A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24 a virgin and currently single. Have been for the last two years. I have gone on several dates in that time and none of them progressed into anything. . . I'm getting really discouraged. I'm not the type to be very physical on a first or second date, I will have to like the man a LOT to consider kissing him. I'm really bad at initiating things or being forward and it seems like men lose interest in me quickly because of that, or because I'm not ready to hop into bed with them right away. Why is it so hard to find a man that's nice, respectful, patient? Why is it always about sex first, emotional bonds later with the men that I attract? I don't think it's alot to ask that you get to know someone a bit better before even considering sex. Kissing and being affectionate isn't a big deal for me, it comes naturally if I like a man enough. But I always feel like they lose interest in me if I don't sleep with them after a certain amount of time, like four or five dates. That's just not me. Even if I wasn't a virgin, that's just not how I am, I would still wait at LEAST three or four months after becoming an official couple. Just letting someone touch me in that way requires a LOT of trust, and I just can't trust someone I've only known a month or two.I really want to find love but it's so hard for me to put myself out there and take more chances. I'm not good at flirting when I'm consciously trying to do it. When I let it come naturally and go with my instincts it works out great, but that doesn't happen really often. Most of the time it feels forced and I'm usually not comfortable with men on the first date. I'm usually too busy wondering if he likes me and if I'm doing everything right. I'm completely outside of my comfort zone with straight men in general because something about them is so intimidating. Ugh... Please help me? I need to be more open and forward.I've been considering broadening my options, maybe dating men a little older in their early 30s. I'm more attracted to men around my age, in their 20s, but they all seem so fucking immature and childish. The only thing is I'm concerned an older man would be too focused on the fact that I'm 24, more than anything else. I don't want to be reduced to some older man's ego boost, which is what most older men that approach me are looking for. Like ""hey, look at what I got, a 20-something." You know?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers. Mrs. Melone: I don't go to bars often (usually only to hang out with friends)) and haven't gone to a club since I was 16. I hate clubs and that type of atmosphere in general, and I'm usually pretty good at spotting the guys that only want one thing. All of the people I've dated in the last two years were people I found on a reputable dating site. Met my last two boyfriends through good friends. I had a connection with all of them at first then we met and things fizzled. I think the problem is I come across too disinterested but I don't know how to fix that and show more interest.
A
male
reader, MugenTj +, writes (18 July 2011):
 Please! You do not want to be forward, as that will only attract the kind of men you wouldn't want to be with. The reason youf past dates didn't progress further because "it wasn't meant to be". Have some courage and expect that in the future there will be more dates like that until you find the right one. As a guy speaking, I would rather stay a virgin until I find someone special. Sex is great, but without all the emotion involved it's pretty meaningless (and I know that's ok for some people).
As far as the physical, slutty (or forward) and attractive is actually unattractive for men who want serious relationship.
By all mean, I think you should take more chances, and keep your principles. That's the only way to ever find the one that will appreciate you for who you are. Human relationship is like a multiple choice test for me. It's always a good thing to be able to eliminate the wrong answer because it means I'm getting closer to the right one.
If a guy is into you, he can wait much longer than you would expect. I even kept one of my ex a virgin for two years although I wasn't sure I really love her, but very attracted to her physically. On the other hand, you might put out much quicker when you finally meet someone you love and trust.
It's not about being forward. It's about being open in order to explore your options in order to find what you truly desire. The last thing you want to worry about is the age issue. Just focus on what you aim for ( I hope they're love, respect, and stability). Leave compromising to when you find the one that you deem worthy. Trust me, you will do that a lot even with your soul-mate.
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A
female
reader, Mrs. Melone +, writes (18 July 2011):
Most men like a challenge. So the waiting should not be a problem, if it is a guy who does not want a one night stand. Do not look for guys at a club or a bar because most (not all, but most) are just looking for "tonight". A reputable dating site or ask friends to set you up is a better choice. You have to find a guy that you have similar interests. That does not mean if a guys says I like baseball, you say me too when you hate baseball. Look for guys in places that you go like the coffee shop, the gym, the store, ect....Make eye contact and smile other than that be yourself.
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