A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have irrational fears of my boyfriend wanting to leave me, cheating on me, and looking at other women. He's never given me any reason to not trust him, would let me go through his phone at any given moment without question. These fears though are turning into arguments causing us to have real issues. How can I get over this before it drives him away?? :( Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Hi!
Is it possible you have insecurities developed from past relationships? If so, that is likely unhealthy as issues like that should be resolved prior to entering a relationship. If its not, then Id just ask him for reassurance of the things that are on your mind. For example, my ex would come to me and say I had a dream you cheated on me and she had no reason to believe such a thing. Id simply tell her "Babe, Id never do that" and then give her a kiss or somethin and it was all better. Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 This all comes from being insecure. And if you let this go on, it will drive him away. It's already started causing arguments between you two. You may need constant reassurance from him that he won't leave and that he won't cheat and this makes you feel better in the short term, but what it does to him is makes him think that you don't trust him...and that can be very upsetting to someone who loves and trusts you.
Like Blod has said, this comes from a lack of self-confidence. Just think to yourself...why is he with you? Because he wants to be! If he wanted someone else he wouldn't be with you. He sees all the good things in you but you don't. You need to trust him.
It's good that you've realised that this is a problem. Now work on building your own self-esteem. No matter what happens, and even if your relationship does not work out, you will be ok. Tell yourself that.
Enjoy the time you have with him now and appreciate the fact that you do have a boyfriend who loves you and treats you well. So return that love and trust to him!
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A
female
reader, Blod  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 This sounds like you have more personal issues rather than issues with him, so you need to work out why you're so paranoid and address that. Do you feel you're not good enough for him? Does your relationship seem too good to be true?
It's probably due to a lack of self-confidence where you don't fully understand why he's chosen you out of everyone. So just remind yourself constantly that he's YOUR boyfriend because he loves you. You're in a relationship because he's committed to you. And you know he wouldn't cheat on you, so why are you actually so scared? A lot of women would be jealous!
Try to focus on the positives. Remember all the stuff I've listed above and take in all the compliments you get from him. Whenever you find yourself worried, remind yourself that it's all in your head. Because it is! Putting everything into perspective, do you really want to risk your relationship for a couple of 'what if's? Good luck.
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