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female
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anonymous
writes: hi, i wrote in on the 11th about how my boyfriend wouldnt give me oral sex because he said i smelt different from his ex girlfriend. im still with him amd i do want to work it out but i still cant let it go. i feel sick when he comes near me and i cant bear to have sex with him so ive told him i dont want to and hes been telling me that hes frustrated that i wont have sex and that im a liar because i 'promised it to him'. i feel pressured and ive given in to it a few times cos he wont leave me alone...how can i feel comfortable around him again after what he said? i want to be able to look at him without feeling like hes judging me or comparing me to his ex. but how can i get past these feelings?
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male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (18 August 2006):
 Doesn't sound like you're with holding sex (spellcheck?), just not in the mood thanks to his crap. He shouldn't have compared you and the fact that he hasn't taken steps to try make up for it just makes me wonder, is he a decent guy? Or have you fallen for a jerk?
Have you told him that you didn't like being compared? His response to that should be hint enough on whether you're with the right guy
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006): Still stand by individual counseling-with holding sex is a form of emotional abuse.
If you can not sort this out with him now, it will worsen and the relationship may end.
Head the end off by seeking individual counseling to sort out your insecurities/fears so that you can get a clearer perspective of your feelings and how to deal and cope with them as well as how to communicate effectively.
I say that this will always be how you re-act to your parnters when you feel slighted by them and will not stop unless counseling is sought.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (18 August 2006):
 I think this guy has already done you enough damage and you need to get rid of him. He's not only knocked your confidence, he's pressuring you into something that you probably would have done, had he not said those awful things!
Your instincts are telling you that this is not right and he doesn't deserve to make love to you. Who says that to someone, really? He's also pressuring you, so that in itself is enough to make you realise he's only wanting one thing from you.
I'm not surprised you can't let this go, it was a horrible thing to say and he needs to grow up. When you meet someone who loves and respects you for who you are, you won't have this uncomfortableness all the time, it will just be easy and enjoyable.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, jn +, writes (18 August 2006):
 It sounds like your boyfriend needs to do a whole lot of growing up. Maybe if you read this article you might feel a little better. http://www.dailycal.org/sharticle.php?id=4058
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