A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently i've watched friends and just general people my age start relationships, to be totally honest this hasn't bothered me until recently. I've thought about it and i'm geniunly upset about the fact I don't feel I have the ability to get a girlfriend, i'm not good looking, not got a models body and although i'm usually confident and strong when it comes to this subject I can't get my head around it and can't build the courage to ask or talk to a girl on this subject. There is a girl that I like and although we flirt a lot I can't see her liking me. Is there any tell tale signs I should look out for and how can I get over the initial nervousness and embarressment? Thanks in advance for help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): Hey!
Firstly I'd like to say that believe me, you're not the only teenager going through these emotions. Even if it feels like all people your age are going out with someone, THEY'RE NOT! There are plenty of people who lack the confidence to tell someone how they really feel. You just need to be yourself around this girl and if she seems to like hanging out with you, then start giving her a few subtle compliments to see how she reacts (simple stuff like "You're hair is nice like that"). Just observe how she acts around you, girls don't usually succeed in hiding their feelings even if guys think they do! She'll leave signs for you if she likes you. But the hard part is that these signs are different for every girl! But if you watch how she acts around other people, anything that she does around you that stands out as different should tell you how she really feels. Getting over the initial butterflies and self consciousness is difficult but what you need to do is pretend that the girl is just one of your friends, someone to have the craic with and get to know. Relax, the best and most decent girls go out with guys because they like being with them, not because they look good!
Good Luck!
A
male
reader, Pazush  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Hi,
youre alright,
first times always seems to be impossible
basicly, you should gain more intimate activities with her,
just have fun together. try not to be too much close (dont agree with everything she says if you dont really, make your opinions) so she wont see you as only a friend, be yourself but more targeted
remember, girls who are experiencing relationships got low confidence same as you are.
know your qualities and hobbies, be proud at them.
go get her patiently =]
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (21 August 2010):
Hi there. How you are feeling is fairly normal for your age. Why don't you just relax and talk to this girl just like a friend and see how you get along. See if you have things in common - likes and dislikes, music, sports etc.
You don't have to get into any heavy conversation, just keep it light. It's probably easiest to be able to communicate when you are watching some event - like a sports carnival, because your attention is already focussed on something else, other than just talking to each other. It will be a lot more relaxed atmosphere.
And as far as not being good looking or built like a sportsman or model, that's of no consequence at all. What's really attractive in a person (male or female), is a confident, relaxed, independent person with a healthy sense of humour, self-respect, and an open mind about life generally.
Over time, you will recognise those qualities in people you meet and you yourself, will find that you enjoy being with people like that.
Many, many years ago I was a bit lacking in self-confidence just like you. A friend I met told me about a motivational book which I bought. The book is called - "Your Erroneous Zones, by Dr Wayne W. Dyer". Although I bought that book in about 1978, I am sure that you can still buy it from any good book store now. You could even search for it on amazon.com.
Almost from about the first few pages of reading the book, I started to feel as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. The book is almost entirely about living in the present moment, and about worry/Guilt and blame/Justify and every possible thing that happens to us in life. It's light reading and at times quite funny and very useful. It's the one book that really changed my life for the better. It's also the type of book you can read about every 2 years just to refresh the ideas in the book. The whole book makes really good sense. I thoroughly recommend it to anyone. It's also very enjoyable.
Consider it seriously. I'm sure it will help.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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