A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 17 and i really need some help; the thing is i really hate the way men are! I hate how they check out other girls and some boys just dont have respect for girls, all they want is sex! If theres a half naked girl on the tv or something an my brothers watching the tv i have to turn it off because it gets me so angry. I look at him and he's got a really pervy look on his face so i turn the tv off quickly! He is 14.I get so angry if my bf of a year checks out another girl in her bikini. I can't go to the beach with him anymore because i hate it so much. I have told him this recently. What shall i do? I just hate men :( I really don't wanna be like this and im sorry if i have offended any boys on this but i really need help as soon its gonna ruin my relationship :( Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (9 March 2008):
 While I agree with you that many men are crude and vulgar in public by openly expressing or showing their appreciation of women, we are "programmed" to be attracted. Whether you consider it the design of God or nature, or whatever, we normal men are "turned-on" by the female body. We are sexual beings, like every other thing on Earth that lives and multiplies.
As an older man, I can recall a time when perhaps men were not as gross and indelicate about it, particularly in the South in America, but you can be sure that we had naughty thoughts running through our heads. It's our nature, and quite a few women are much the same these days. We would all have died out as the human race long ago if we weren't mutually attracted.
Yet I agree with you that some (most?) men have become more loutish and indecent about displaying their captivation. Many of us are still more gentlemanly and "cool" about it. But you should not begin to develop hatred of all men because some are vulgar. That would be unhealthy for you. Try to accept it before you will need psychiatric treatment. Love ya girl.
A
male
reader, Blitz35 +, writes (9 March 2008):
 Well if it really bothers u... try to advoid anything that will make ur bf or ur borther not check out chicks... less tv... um not going to the beach... honestly im in a relationship and i love her to death but i do sometimes check females out... its jsut a guys thing but wats wrong wit it is that ur not suppose to check them out when hes wit u... now thats just rude and sick... honestly u need to talk about it wit him ... tell him that u dont like it at all and that its really affecting ur relationship wit him... good luck
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (9 March 2008):
 It's the age group right now where hormones are through the roof and pretty much continues their whole lives but they just become less blatant about it. They still do it!
All men are going to check out good looking women and be attracted to them but that doesn't mean they're scum.
When they get more mature, most become sensitive enough to how we feel that they won't stare at our boobs, legs, etc..right in front of us. They still do though when we are not looking, or they just sneak peaks.
You are so young and when your hormones really kick in (most women it's in our 30's), you will find yourself doing the same thing!
I know you want to have a boyfriend that wants you and only you (and yes! he probably does) but he will still "look" and it's not a threat to you. The only way that you will ruin your relationships is by not understanding this and get really upset and insecure when it happens. When you continue to have boyfriends, you will find this matters less and trust matters more. Respect and trust are much more powerful than someone in a bikini walking by. Men are just visually stimulated, they can't help it- not their fault!!!
I still find it offensive of course when it's blatant but there are so many guys out there that don't just want sex and want to build a relationship with you first. However, it will be SEX that motivates them, if that makes sense.
Don't be hurt by this, it can be a lot of fun! Yes, it's primitive but we are primitive in a lot of ways that make them say "I hate women, but I love them and can't live without them!" They can't either. We can live without them though (see, I'm going to be the one that makes all the men mad by posting that!). If you understand and accept this, you will feel more empowered and less insecure. By the way, a girl with "that something about her" has a lot more draw for a guy than looking at some skin. It's all in the way you present yourself, your confidence, your body language, and not so much about how perfect you look that is going to have the greatest effect on guys. There is a book, it is lengthy but it may change your views on all of this. It's called "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene. You will find the most appealing women throughout history weren't the best looking and didn't have to "bare it all" to get confidence.
They weren't threatened by all that. It's a wicked book but a fun read. Email me and let me know!
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