| A
male
,
*enturionuk13
writes: I am seeking advice as i do not know what to do, me and my fiance have been having a few problems which have now exploded into something i do not know how to deal with. we are having problems based on a health problem she is suffering from, and she has closed off herself to any sexual thoughts or desires because of it, i understood, would wait and not pressure her as i loved her and wanted to marry her. however now something has happened, i discovered that she was chatting online to a stranger, telling them that her boyfriend did not understand her, and that she was loking for someone to chat with and i they click that they would meet, at this point it was discovered and i confronted her, she said that she said these things to get someone to talk to her, because she believed most men in chat rooms are not interested unless you say you want to meet, she then said that she could not talk to me about what was happening so wanted to see if she could be aroused, if she still had sexual desires or thoughts, by chatting to this person.she says she knows what she did was wrong, but can not tell me why she did it, she says she wants and loves no one but me. but how do i know, how do i trust again, and trust someone that i trusted absolutely? how do i forget even if i can forgive? please, if anyone can help?mr a
View related questions:
chat room, fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2006): just give her a time to realise it by her self, she will give it up later, trust me' its only flirting what she is doing, but she do love you.. she also want to stop this but she need time by her self. it will happen, just dont press her, she will stop it someday. not now but not so long.good luck...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2006): She has already told you why she did it - she did it because she felt she couldn't speak to you and that you did not understand her.
She shouldn't have done what she did, but if you want this relationship to work you are going to have to accept that she didn't feel you understood her, even though, in your head, you did and were doing everything right.
She sounds like she has been honest to you, and you need to remember that people do make mistakes. She could have easily lied to you about what happened but she has been upfront with you. It sounds like she has realised this mistake and that hopefully, she will talk to you to communicate her problems in future.
Perhaps it would be easier for you to trust, forgive, and forget by seeing the reasons why she did it. I mean, take a look at yourself; honestly. Can you accept any fault in her coming to believe she couldn't come to you first? Find out why she felt you didn't understand her. Whatever she says is how she feels, you may disagree with it, but good communication between you explaining how you both felt should bring you to a point of mutual understanding. Or is it really all her fault and you have been the perfect fiancee?
She said she wants and loves no-one but you, but forgiveness comes from understanding why someone does something, and it can sometimes involve admitting that you too could have done things differently.
What type of a person has she proved herself to be apart from this incident? Does that count towards the decision you are trying to make? Does it show this to be a one-off huge mistake, or has what she has done completely changed your opinion of her?
...............................
|
