A
male
age
36-40,
*izzle125
writes:So my problem is like this.. I grew up in a very abusive family. and while growing up alot happened to break my trust. Now im in a relationship and its very hard because i know that she isnt doing anything wrong like cheating but i feel like i always need to hear her say that she isnt doing anything... What do i need to do to forget the past and just trust.? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jane Dashwood  +, writes (7 July 2008):
In a perfect world no one would need to try and forget a painful past. However, we live in a world were a lot of people have to live in abusive homes.I'm sorry to say this but can never forget your past. Nevertheless, you can learn to move on and live your life despite this past. As much as were told that we should trust people we love it is harder than anyone in all books and movies make it out to be. The old adage that trust is earned is a crock. Trust is based on the past and how often that trust was misplaced. The only way you can deal with your trust issues is by seeking professional help of some sort. If you are in college seek out the social worker or whatever they provide.I'm not sure if you have done this or not but you might want to tell you girlfriend about your past nothing more than you posted here and ask of her to be understanding just until you figure yourself out. I hope things work out for you :)
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (5 July 2008):
You can't just 'forget' about the past. What happened to you was a traumatic expeirence and you wont be able to forget it ever unfortunatly. However you can move on and heal from it.
Growing up in an abusive family can lead to so many effects later in life which you are now discovering. What happened was not right at all and its important that you sort through your feelings.
I suggest talking to a counsellor as they will be able to help you deal with what happened, build up self esteem and help you gain trust with your gf.
Its important to remmeber though it may not happen over night. Sometimes it can take a fair while, so if you do go to counselling, you may not feel better after a couple of sessions, dont give up.
Take care and I hope you work it out :)
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