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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: When I was born, my dad left when I was very young. I can't even remember him.Now, 14 years on, I want to know about him. I want to know all about his life and if I have any brothers and sisters because at present I have none that I know about.I would really love to get in touch with him, but I don't even know his name; where do I start?I've tried bringing him up with my mum but she shouts at me. I've tried talking to her about it millions of times! I even left notes on her pillow at night explaining how I felt but she yelled at me again. My friends can't possibly understand this problem; they all know they're dads. I have no other close family who I can talk to about this.I've even tried sorting it out through the school, but they said there was nothing they could do.Please help me, where do I start if I don't even know his name? And is there a way I can do it without my mum knowing because she'll do everything in her path to stop me, but I'm fed up of this now. I really want to know! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): Give your mum time. He may have hurt her so much in the past and she would rather forget about him. She knew that in time questions would be asked, but maybe she herself is not ready to tell you and maybe the truth may be worse that not saying anything at all. She may feel that you will want to get to know him and she couldn't handle that, the possibility of an old flame coming back in to her life and yours. Give her time she'll tell you when she's ready but don't keep pushing her because it may be harder for her than you think. He maybe wasn't ready for you and didn't want to be involved. You need to think about this from all angles because he may not be the man your hoping him to be. Be patient, all good things come to those who wait, whether its good or bad news, its a good thing because you will finally get to know.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): Hey there little one I am now 21 years of age and when I was about your age I really wanted to know who my father was. My family know who he is but they do not want to tell me, but now that I am older I am finding more and more things out. I know wanting to know and having to know who your father is plays a big role in your life cause it does in mine even now. I am adopted but I know who my birth mom is, A few years back I was diagnosed with a diease, How it came about? doctors still do not know cause they need to know who my dad is to see if what I have run through his family! I know not knowing who he is makes you feel emty,angry,lonely, and other diffrent emotions. I am the same way but in my case I grew up to be mad at the world and everyone who really loved me, And I want to tell you please do not treat your friends, and especially your family and the one who love you the most badly because if you think about it it is not their fault or yours. I had to learn the hard way, aprreciate them for being there for you and giving you what you have. Growing up you will see,grow, and mature because of this that is hurtinng you deep down inside, You will become something of yourself,you will better yourself, and most of all you will learn to love yourself even more because you never gave up. I leave you with this thought! Life is too short to be unhappy, Have no regrets to what you are trying to do on finding your father, and running away from your problems is not the soulution cause when you run or look back they will always be there cause you never solved them....
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A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (9 December 2006):
 I would speak to your friends of your mum if you have no close family.
My father left my mum when he found out she was pregnant. He wanted her to get an abortion. She changed her mind at the last minute. I know his name, I know where he lives. I was brought up by my mum and my stepfather. As far as I am concerned, he is my real dad.
I feel he put you or your mother through some very bad times. I think this is probably why she is trying to protect you from him. However, I do feel she should at least explain why he left. Maybe she is waiting until you are older as she doesn't feel you are ready to hear the truth.
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A
female
reader, pica +, writes (9 December 2006):
In the UK a baby can be registered with no father's name so a birth certificate may not give the answer wherever you are. I'm sorry you are having this problem. For some reason you mum feels bad about her relationship with your father. This could be for all sorts of reasons. She knows now that you want - need - to know but she's unhappy about the whole thing. I don't know if 'wearing her down' is the best approach though.
At least she hasn't lied for an easy option and just said he's dead. She could have done this - the fact that she hasn't to me shows that she knows you are entitled to know but is struggling with that for reasons of her own. She'll have known all along that one day you would ask. She could be scared that you would be let down by him. You know, to some extent she could be afraid of losing you. She has brought you up alone all this time and if it's just the two of you them the prospect of someone else elbowing in could be very scarey. Hurtful too for her if this person has left her to cope alone all this time. Perhaps you are all she has to some extent if there is no close family. However I do totally understand and totally respect your right to know about your dad. I think you will in time. Be patient with your mum, perhaps lay off the asking for a bit. She will be reflecting on the subject - give her time to think and in the future pick your moment to bring it up again. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006):
Your birth certificate or hospital records would probably indicate.
Or you could ask your grandmother or other relatives. Odd are she is feuding with someone would like to let the cat out of the bag.
Or keep on her. Dont take 'no'- tell her you want to know when and under what conditions she will be releasing this information. Letting her stew about a criteron with get her thinking that way. It may take sometime to wear her down but you will....
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