A
male
age
51-59,
*nlimbo72
writes:Without going into the whole story, I'll be brief. My wife and I have been going through a lot of problems over the past few years because of some involvement I had with an ex of mine. I was completely in the wrong and I know what it did to my wife. Sinse then I have straightened up and am doing what ever I need to to rebuild our relationship. She has committed to stay and she claims to want to try. But she keeps saying that we need to create a new history and become friends. I do agree with this to a point but we do have a lot of past baggage to deal with. I want to go to counseling but she doesn't feel she needs to because I was the one that messed up. But I feel that if we had resolved some issues before this happened I would have never strayed. I know I have a good part of the responsibility but she doesn't feel that she did anyting and that she shouldn't go to counseling. What can I do to get her to want to go? We can not save this marriage with out it. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): Once you are at counselling, you can always ultimately ask the counsellor to invite her to attend a session;
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Think about how embarrasing it would be for her to admit in front of a complete stranger that you strayed. She is either in denial or has moved on already.
By all means take up the counselling alone to learn why you strayed and to stop it happening again but you cannot force her to confront her demons if she doesnt want to x
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