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How can I come to terms with going on dates? I really do hate everything about them.

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 January 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 24 January 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, *ib1 writes:

It's been 7 months since my break up from my 2 year relationship. I finally got my things back from him and I feel pretty resolved about the whole thing. I am ready to move on. But I have no desire to date. I've been turning down dates and I've been really happy single and alone.

This is my first time outside of college living my life single and I am noticing more and more that people who they meet and make romances with starts with a date. But I HATE dates! I've been hoping to bump into someone and get along and maybe it could turn romantic.

That doesn't seem to be happening lol. How can I come to terms with going on dates? I really do hate everything about them.

View related questions: move on, no desire

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (24 January 2009):

DoubleM agony auntI think that most of us, whether men or women, are uncomfortable about dates. But that is typically how we meet, get to know one another and possibly get a relationship moving along if we wish. It's perfectly okay if you prefer to be alone for awhile, but if you would eventually like to have friendship and romance with a man, it needs to start somewhere. Rarely do I begin with a full date, but it's comfortable for me to simply arrange a meeting. Go for coffee or a drink, maybe even a snack or lunch, and have a little conversation. No obligations. It's usually just a brief little get-together, then see what happens . . .

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009):

Do what makes you happy, you dont need to conform to being in a relatiohsip just cause you see other people doing it. And when you are ready to date, you will feel more up to it than you do now.

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A female reader, sweetlee07 United States +, writes (24 January 2009):

Hello :)

I can understand where you are coming from, as the same sort of situation occurred for me as well. I was 20 when I had just come from a really horrible break up, and wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with men. I didn't want to date them, work with them, ANYTHING...lol

BUT one day, I was minding my own business, when someone with the same interests in life as me bumped into me- and we've been together ever since.

Think of the date, as the rubber duck in those ponds at carnivals. Sometimes you'll get a prize, and sometimes, you'll end up a little cold, and ready to go for another pick.

Keep the dates super casual and just get to know eachother. It helps if you for sure have things in common- basketball, hiking, shopping... (they are out there I promise- men who enjoy shopping) haha. But just take it slow, and things will progress as they are meant to.

I hope this helps.

-sweet

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