A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for about 6 years. Most of that time has been great. We have had an awsome sex life. For about the last year or so I was not a very good boyfriend. I got myself into a routine of being lazy about housework and that sort of stuff. She was not feeling the same way about me anymore. I finally got the picture one day and finally seen that I was a jerk. We had a good talk and I told her I was going to change and be a better man for both her and me. I am doing great. I clean every day and I treat her like a queen. I bend over backwards to do things for her. She even gets a foot massage every night before bed. She is very happy with me now and the relationship is doing very well. The problem is this. She always loved having sex with me, she always was the one to start it. But while I was in my funk, she never started it with me. And now that our relationship is going great, she still doesn't start things with me. We have sex, good sex. But her not starting things with me makes me feel like she's not sexually attracted to me like she used to be. I want to bring back that spark but like a dumb male, I don't know how to be, act or dress sexy. She tells me she loves me, she holds my hand, she has affection for me but it feels like there is no sexual attraction.How can a guy bring back the sexual attraction?
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female
reader, yggdrasill +, writes (18 August 2009):
 From the other side of this I will tell you that while the things you're doing are great, she may be afraid that they're hollow. If she was really upset by your past actions then she may just be waiting for it to end. Women can wait for stuff like this for a lot longer than men.
On the other hand she may just be thinking that maybe you should initiate things for a while. If along the lines your sex life got routine (and even if that routine included a trapeze act) she may just want you to take the wheel for a while.
The other stuff you're doing is great, don't get me wrong. But if you want things to heat back up in the bedroom maybe you should take the lead for a while. It makes me feel extra special when my husband does that.
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