A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are in our mid 20's and are very serious (I.e. We own a house together). I feel like in the past year he's been going out more and more without me. He recently told me that since he didn't do the whole college thing he feels like he missed out and wants to do a lot of partying now. I had no problem with that but I've noticed lately how it's started to bother me. Especially when he mentions going out with other girls and I'm not allowed to come. I know he needs his guy time but I feel like it's gotten to the point where it is too much. I'm also in a place where I did all that partying and I'd rather hang with him or my girlfriends. How do I become more okay with this and let him have his time? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 You're both in different places right now and who knows how long that will last. Usually couples who have purchased a home together plan to stay together. Maybe he needs some ground rules. One night out with guys maybe once a week or once every other week; and you go out with the girls. After that he needs to plan activities with you and only you. And when he's out with the guys he needs to remember he's in a relationship which means he shouldn't be coming on to other girls or allowing them to come on to him. This is what I suspect is really happening. He may be freaking out about the fact that you now own a house together, when he doesn't feel like he's lived (or sowed his wild oats) and this is why he's behaving like a college kid. He knows the house is one step away from the marriage and the kids come next. Maybe he's not sure he's ready for all of that and this is why his behavior has changed, and I suspect this is why it annoys you, because you know what's going on with him better than anyone. But you have to play it cool otherwise he'll feel like a noose is on his neck. I've seen it time and time again. Why can't he include you when he goes out? My husband always took me along even when he partied with the guys. I was just one of them, minus the flirting with girls thing. It kept both of us honest. You two should try it. And another tip, he may be intentionally leaving you out because he plans on flirting, dancing and miscellaneous things with other girls. This is dangerous and will probably get out of hand. Good luck.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 June 2011):
 I agree with what's been said. If this is something that bothers you, you need to draw a line and stand your ground. Going out partying with other women and refusing to let you come seems to be pretty over the line to me. He may not have partied much in the past, but a lot of people don't party. It's not something that needs making up for. He made his choice to get a girlfriend and settle down (buying a house and all). He shouldn't make all those commitments and then just turn around and decide to play the field and do all the single guy things.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 Its not really okay to go partying with other girls and saying you can't come. I think its okay for couples to party together, but when he's telling you not to come, that's not really OK. Why wouldn't he want to have fun with you? Or is it that he's having fun without you?
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