A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:And now I find myself seeking the advice of strangers over the internet...I love my girlfriend very much and have been dating her for a little over a year now. Most of that time we have been long distance.My girlfriend is on the heavier side of average (Size 12 - 14). I'm thin (But not ripped). Initially our weight difference wasn't an issue, I found her irrefutably beautiful. However, she expressed concerns about being unattractive and overweight and that I was more attractive than her.These were thoughts I hadn't previously contemplated, but after she brought them up it planted a seed of doubt in my own mind. Her continued insecurities (despite my protestations that I found her beautiful) watered that seed and now I find myself regularly thinking about her weight and relative attractiveness. She has gained roughly 20lbs since we started dating.I find myself constantly mentally comparing my girlfriend's body with other women her age that I see on the street. I then project 30 years into the future and try to figure out which old lady my girlfriend will most resemble as she ages. Then I ask whether I would still find her attractive - and I struggle to make the answer affirmative.To generalize horribly: Women seem to have an uncanny ability to love a person for their personality, whereas men cannot idly separate my partner's body and mind.I guess my question is this: Do you have any suggestions on how to end my obsessive thinking about my partner's relative attractiveness? In other words, how can I be less shallow?As a note, perhaps this obsessive comparison is happening because I can genuinely see myself raising children with her and I don't want to make the wrong decision with the rest of my life.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (27 October 2008):
Of course you aren't attracted to her when you think of her as an old lady!
You are not that old yet so you can't visualise it. It's the same as saying I'm not attracted to 12 yearolds.... but I was when I was 12. Do you think she is attracted to a 65 yearold bald you? No - but she will be when she is 65.
12 to 14 is really not fat anyway.
If you are both a bit insecure then why not get yourself a bike each for xmas, and head out into the country side or parks - take a neighbour's dog.
If outdoors really isn't your thing, then take up salsa classes or something together. A friend of mine does that to keep fit for his football team.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): 12-14 isn't that big! Are you sure you aren't trying to think of a excuse to end the relationship?
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