A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles, I hope I do not offend anyone but I am a semi active crossdresser. Basically I am a married heterosexual man with no interest in men. I have a strong feminine side that I feel I need to satisfy, meaning, I need to feel pretty and sexy on occasion. My wife knows that I wear panties and accepts this as long as she dosnt see them. She loves and supports me no matter what. Infact she and I are best friends and always communicate with full honesty. Recently I opened up my soul to her and told her that I am in fact a crossdresser for lack of a better term. I have never put on a dress or any other clothing aside from the panties that she has bought me. She wasn't shocked lol but strait up told me she will not buy womens clothing for me at least nothing more than the underwear. She is not being mean or angry she just explained that she has to draw a line with what she is okay with. I have to accept this because she means the world to me. I always promised her full honesty and that has lead to a great relationship. Problem is, I feel like a part of me has died. The urge for me to dress up fully is so strong and it eats away at me to no end. It is not a sexual thing and I am happy to be a man but the need to feel feminine is like breathing, it just necessary. I have no intention of ever letting anyone see me dressed or even in panties and she knows that. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this. I must respect her wishes to preserve our uncommonly good relationship. I'm a good man and will not go behind her back. How can I be happy though, if a part of me is forced to be repressed? Please don't judge me
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi every one, we had a pretty huge break through las night. Basically she did her research and has decided that she will fully support me in time. What she says is that she would like this to progress in baby steps so she can become comfortable with each step. Last night she even painted my toes. Nothing drastic color wise lol juyst a light peach. Says she needs some time before hot pink. What she says is thgat she needs to go very slowly. Let it be a journey. I am so happy because she strait up accepts that one day I could wear a dress. For my part I will not push her and drop the subject. However she says I can dresses and fashion when ever I would like to. I can also keep my toes painted. This whole thing is hard on her but she says that now she understands it better and feels she can support it as well as someday participate with dressing me. It may be years away but I am looking forward to every baby step with her by my side. Thanks again everyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): I am posting this annonymously to protect my partner... I get it. My partner was cross dressing when we met and I’ve told him to feel free to continue… he has not felt the need for a while (probably since he tore his meniscus while in a stunning pair of spike heels)….She said she will not BUY your clothes.. she’s OK with the panties (do you wear them all the time or just at home under your clothes?) is she OK with you having other clothes… my partner has some super cute skirts and tops that he keeps in a special drawer… I’ve seen him dressed only a couple of times. He was into corsets for a bit as well… Is this that she does not want to SEE you dressed or that she does not WANT you to dress? Because you can have a special room and time to dress up and prance about to your hearts desire if it’s just that she does not want to be involved… or is it that you want her to be part of it. I think that’s what happened with us… I was FINE with him dressing. I am also FINE with him NOT dressing… but I didn’t ASK him to dress for me and that’s what HE WANTED… he really WANTED me to want him to dress up… and I don’t care if he does or he does not….BTW from my understanding MOST cross dressers are very heterosexual (drag queens excluded)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone, I really appreciate you all taking the time to give your thoughts. To clarify a few things, my wife and I have been together since we were 16. Its been an incredibly rewarding relationship for us both. Yes we have ups and downs but they are nornal type issues. We always communicate our feelings and consider each other in all our decisions. Basically she knew about the panties because I told her not before marriage but just something I ran by her before doing. As for dressing fully, she is no fool she knew I wanted to from the get go. I respect her and she respects me we are equals in our marriage. So yes, because she can't except me fully dressing I will fully respect this because its our way. I suppose I was just trying to figure out how to balance my needs with hers in asking for help here. I'm looking for a way to cope with this missing part of me. My wife feels for me and is compassionate as well. There is no animosity between us on this subject. We are both very open and creative people so talking about "weird" needs and desires are not taboo. But again we also have the highest respect for eachothers feelings. I accept that I can only wear my super cute panties. Just havin a hard time with the notion of never dressing. As for my request not to be judged, im no dummy, I know how society views cross dressers and transsexuals. I'm not trans sexual however as I don't fit that definition. This is a deeply personal part of me that I cherish and embrace. I'm not a deviant just a man with a male/female duality. I love who I am inside. And yes I do pray. I put my beautiful ahead of my needs because she is my world. Its why after almost twenty years we are still passionately and excitedly in love. Thank you all for listening.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): you said that she draws the line at buying you women's clothing so I take it to mean that she isn't OK with buying you women's clothing, but would be OK if you bought it yourself or wore it?I think it might help if you talk with a counselor to explore whether you can calm your urges to dress in women's clothing. Perhaps it's a displaced urge stemming from something else? Perhaps if you address that someething else, your urge to cross dress will be reduced to a more manageable level? In the interest of preserving your marriage, is there another way for you to express your feminine side to your satisfaction but in a way that's more acceptable to your wife? I think talking with a counselor may help you explore these options.I also think that your wife's drawing the line at what she is not OK with, should also be examined if it is causing you a lot of pain to be denied this. If she is willing, she should see a counselor too. What exactly is she not OK with, is there a way for her to see things differently and would there be exceptions to where she could be OK with it? for example could you two have an agreement that you can dress in women's clothing as long as you're discreet enough that she doesn't know about it? Worst case scenario, which I hope it doesn't come down to, is if this really is a big part of your identity, and if your wife simply can't be OK with it, then maybe it has to be the end of the marriage for everyone's sake. As great of a marriage as it used to be, and which should still be celebrated for what it was, if things have irreversibly changed you should acknowledge that. you both can still remain friends even if you are no longer spouses because now is a new chapter in your life and she can't bring herself to be there with you where you need to go.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (27 January 2012):
Ask her if you can buy your own women's clothes and attend a group where other cross dressers meet up. That way it doesn't have to be on home turf but you get to scratch the itch and do your thing. As you say, it isn't a sexual thing so she needn't be worried about you going off with anybody.
It's because you are in touch with your feminine side that your marriage is so good. She is an understanding woman, but you are probably a very caring and loving partner. Excellent news, congratulations.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): I can understand both sides of this story and I don't think a 'solution' would be to force your wife to be okay with it. She's not. Don't push it.
That doesn't mean that you can't live out your feminine side if you really want to, just don't include her.
Get yourself the clothes. Dress up when you're away from home.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): I am going to give a different response, because I do not really know what to say, I certainly do not judge you for what you have done or for wanting help with your life situation. Congratulations on having a good wife and marriage that is very rare and precious you are right to want to protect that..may I suggest that you have a private discussion with God about this, he is there and knows everything there is to know about you, including your desire to dress up in womens clothes. Perhaps you could ask him questions like "why do I do this?' 'How can I keep my marriage alive?' 'How can I relax and be myself?'
I wonder if your desire to do it has to do with the need to feel connected to your mother...? was she a good mother were you nurtured? Was this missing..? or was she a good mother and you miss being nurtured in this way?
I just wonder since you say you are not attracted to men and it is not sexual.
Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Probablylucy +, writes (27 January 2012):
 Firstly:
"Hi aunts and uncles, I hope I do not offend anyone but I am a semi active crossdresser."
-Wrong attitude. You shouldn't be apologizing, it's the people that are 'offended' that should apologize. You are who you are, thats all there is to it.
Secondly: You must be a very very lucky man. To have a wife who you can be so honest with, who knows you 'secret' and who accepts it (to an extent). That is something that a lot of cross-dressing men don't have in their lives. I suppose you could understand her position, she loves you and she wants you to be yourself and express who you are, but perhaps she is finding it difficult to cope with this new information. You never know, she may come round to the idea, and if she loves you, perhaps she will, but it is a known fact that sometimes, relationships are all about compromise, and in this situation I feel that compromise is the only option. There is nothing 'wrong' with you, you shouldn't feel guilty or that you are doing something wrong, we are all individuals, just as I have blond hair and like rock music, so you like to express your feminine side. Perhaps it is a gender imbalance as women can be masculine but men cannot be feminine, but for now, sadly, this is how the world is. You are immensely brave to share this with your wife, and i admire your honesty with each other, it's lovely to hear. But for now all I can say is that you both need to take baby steps, and talk about little compromises you can both make to make each other happy. She lets you wear your preferred underwear, perhaps she will be ok with other things, but the trick is not to plunge her in the deep end straight away.
Thirdly: "Please don't judge me"
-We don't. And nobody should.
Best of luck, and I hope i'v helped
Lucy x
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (27 January 2012):
 Can you two go to couples counseling to help facilitate better communication about this? While I think it's not good for her to flat out say "no" to something so important to you, you have to accept it could be a little jarring for her to hear. Couples counseling would help you two talk more openly about what you both need from the situation. You may have to be willing to accept that she will never be able to fully embrace that as part of you and she needs to be willing to accept that that's who you are and what makes you happy.
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