A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My best friend (who is female) and I are always there with advice for each other when times are tough, but this time I don't have advice, so I would like your help.Hopefully I can keep this short because it is really a long story. She started dating a guy (call him B) about 6/7 months ago. They were fine with each other, but hit some rough patches a little over a month ago and took a break. In that time, she met another guy (call him A). They were perfect for each other. They had great chemistry and could practically complete each other's sentences and thoughts. Truely a great connection, no? Well, she and A didn't last more than a couple of weeks because B came back and had made some changes in his life that my friend had hoped he would make. She took him back and thought that everything and everyone would be fine. A (who is also a friend of mine) took this extremely hard because of the connection he had made so quickly. My friend and A still talk and hang out together. The other day, A wrote my friend a note which was more or less a love letter. My friend came to me and said that she felt the same way towards A, but doesn't know what to do. She feels guilty about bringing A into this because of the intense feelings there. She never wanted A to the rebound guy and didn't really expect B to come back. She thought that going back with B was the right thing because they had a past, but now she questions this. She doesn't want to hurt B by taking him back so quickly and leaving again, but she feels like B represents her past relationships and A represents her future and change. She says that for now she is sticking with B, but having intense feelings for another man can't be good for that relationship, right? In the meantime, she is stringing A along by telling him how she feels about him which I know is tearing him up.Please give me your thoughts regarding this situation and help me to help her.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2008): This is her bed. And it is up to her to make it.All you can do is be there when things play out and respect whatever decision she makes, regardless of if you agree or not.Personally she sounds like a bitch to me. Tis worse to stay in a loveless relationship with someone (who probably doesn't even know her true feelings because she hides them) then to end it early and give them a better chance at happiness.I think she should end it with B, because he went and did these things for her and she goes off and forms a connection with the first bloody idiot she meets.B deserves someone better then her.If she can do it to one person, whe can do it to A as well (and by giving him hope, she already is).Flynn 24
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tend to agree with you. I don't want to make it seem like she is settling for B, that might be too much of an understatement. Here is a direct quote from her..."And if I can't get my mind right with my decision then I know I will have to make changes, because I can't live with this feeling of uncertainty forever"...she shouldn't have to be convincing herself that she made the right move, right? It should just feel right?
Thanks for your compliment, too, Taste of India.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (20 November 2008):
 Content seems not good enough for me. Your friend is young and shouldn't have to settle for someone who is okay for her. She should be excited about her relationship - which it seems she is with fella A.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (20 November 2008):
I am so sorry. I see now that you're a guy. Anyhow, you sound like a great guy - you should go out with her! Lol, just saying.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, she is/would be content with B if A didn't exist, but it might be the case that she would be happier with A.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (20 November 2008):
If she isn't breaking up with B just because she feels bad that they just recently got back together, well, that is just not a good enough reason. If her heart belongs with A, that's who she should be with. Her and B broke up for a reason, and per your description, it sounds like she's much happier when she's with A.
It is much more unfair to B if she's still thinking about A all the time but dating B because she feels bad. Nobody wants to be pity dated! I know your friend is trying to do what is best for B's feelings, but I think that staying with him out of guilt won't work. She should apologize for getting back together and find her real happiness with A.
Good luck! You two girls sound so sweet and I hope everything works out for your friend!
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