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His words say he loves me, his actions say otherwise. Which is it?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 January 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 January 2010)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Ok to really sum up a 3 year relationship is hard but i will try to provide as much information as possible into a little paragraph. Basically he tells me he loves me all the time with no problem. He looks me in the eyes tells me im his dream girl, his everything. He and I have a child together a little baby girl and he always say he wants him and i to get along so we can be a happy family. He never ever write and he has written me little spur of the moment poems and love notes and also a 3 1/2 page love letter to me. But he has a tendency to be a real jerk. Just out of the blue he gets short with me. We end up arguing and the things he says really confuses me on how he could love me. He calls me very very insulting names. Sometimes telling me he doesnt love me he only pretends to so he can visit with our daughter. Later to claim he only said it to push me away since he doesnt see me happy. I explain to him if hed stop being so cruel i would be happy! He says he is trying but how hard is it not to say something mean? He tells me rumors of him being sexually intimate with a friend are false. He tells me he met up with an ex of his three seperate times a year ago down the road (we lived way out in the country and there was a secluded lake called "Hidden Lake") at Hidden Lake and got intimate with her but didnt actually have sexual intercourse while i was at home sleeping. Only to tell me later that he told the whole Hidden Lake "lie" to get my attention off the other girl he is being accused of having sexual intercourse with. The thing that baffles me the most is i tell him when we argue ive noticed im always the one to get ahold of his first normally after two weeks of no communication (at the time not dating we have been off and on quite a bit lately). I asked why he never gets ahold of me first and he says its because he is letting me cool down. Ive told him atleast 20 times now that i dont need that much time to cool down. Within 3 hours im already wishing hed call me and i feel when he doesnt call me he doesnt love me. Its like out of sight out of mind. We are currently argueing right now. He majorly screwed up last wednesday insulting me saying i pick sleep over our daughter (it was 3:20am he was drunk and someone has to get to bed to watch her in the morning!) that i didnt love our daughter and acted as though i was the most played worthless woman ever. cold cold cold hearted. I went to talk with him friday and he walked off mid conversation saying conversation over and i havent heard from him since. Then he is baffled when i say actions speak louder than words and i dont believe him. Dont you think his words are false? Or do you think he does love me and there is something else wrong?

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (29 January 2010):

With a man, his actions are what matter. Not his words. If his actions say he doesn't love you, then he doesn't

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010):

When words and actions conflict...it's always the actions that tell the truth. Actions do not lie and in effect cannot lie. You will get far in life to remember this.

Actions speak louder than words.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010):

I've watched this happen to a number of friends who have told their girlfriends they love them and turn around and are big jerks. The way he behaves is the way he is. Watch how he treats friends, family, other girls and especially his sisters or Mom and you'll find he treats them the same way he treats you. Run away from this jerk.

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