A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so here's the thing, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 1 and 1/2 years now and I've only met his family one time. He goes back to his hometown where he grew up and visits them, but doesn't invite me and when I told him that I would like to go with, he told me that his family doesn't want me to come with him at all on his trips home. He says that it's not personal and in his family, they don't try to get to know anyone until they have the title of "wife" (in my case), but it still offends me. I know that we've talked of getting married eventually, and we are taking things slowly because I plan on going to med school first, so it seems like he wants a future with me. He has met all of my mom's side of the family and he's gone back to my hometown with me on the various occassions when I go home, so he's gotten to know my family. I really would like to know his family Before we get married, but apparently this isn't going to happen. I've even told him that I have some friends in his hometown too and I can stay with them while he visits his family, but he told me that his uncle said, "If you even bring her back to ...(hometown).. then don't even bother coming here." I haven't done anything to offend his family, I'm a good person, and I get along with almost everyone I meet, so I don't know what to do. I'm hoping to get other people's perspectives on this, because I feel very insulted by this. Reply to this Question |
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I can't contact his mom because she passed away when he was like 18. And his grandparents were the ones who raised him, but they both passed away several years ago too.
A
female
reader, chrissy32789 +, writes (21 July 2008):
 Honestly it sounds to me that he is hidden something from you because i never met a family that was like that, and for his uncle to say what he said, how would his uncle know if you took you to a friends house with out someone telling you? Do you know any way of contacting his family with out him knowing and ask them why they dont want you to come around and explain to them what you want to do in life and tell them you want to wait on marriage and that you would like to get to know them a little more, or even ask him to call his mom infront of you and talk to her about it, and have it on speaker phone so you can hear it for yourself because you have the right to know why they dont want you there, it all sounds bullshit to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): Hey...maybe this will sound very stupid - but - has he got something to hide htere maybe??? this sounds ridiculous that after 1,5 years they wouldnt want to meet you.
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A
male
reader, Spirit_Of_Iona  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 Hello confused (well from your post you do seem a little puzzled by the rejection of you before they've met you, at least my mother-in-law waited to meet me before taking the dislike cost me a train ticket so at least you saved the bus fare (You can smile you know!)and I had a laugh when you said "I get along with almost everyone I meet" just not so good with those you don't meet! (Laugh I dare you)Now I have lightened things up her's what I think you need to do You need to be smart on this one and I don't often say to go behind your beloveds back but you have friends in the vicinty that must know of this family maybe they could glean some information are they religious are they hill-billy types who don't like strangers and would only accept you when your family, where do they live what do they do is there anyway you can reach them through the barricades, do they think you're loose (no offence possibly their viewpoint) how do they treat their women are they home girls cossetted and protected. Remember knowledge is power and if your beloved ain't going to spill the beans then you are going to have to do it get the local paper etc but dont visit as it wuld be seen as snooping and make you more unpopular don't get angry don't be insulted rise above it get smart and get Digging Dr Watson!
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