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His ex wants to be friends with me...is she being nice or do I need to be careful?

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 December 2005) 3 Answers - (Newest, 8 December 2005)
A female , anonymous writes:

hi everyone, me n my bf have been together 5months, he's always been friends with his ex (they only went out for about 3days just over a year ago) and about 2 months ago my bf told me that his ex was chatting to him on msn and she kept asking him out again and that she loved him and that, he told her that he wasn't interested and they had this big fight. i think they are friends again now but she has added me on msn and started chatting to me, she's being dead nice to me (over nice if you ask me) and i think she still likes him. do you think she's being generally nice or do you think she has other intentions? am i being paraniod? thnx

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A female reader, angle_eyes10 +, writes (8 December 2005):

Hi,

ok, well 3 days isnt that long at all, especially not long enough to say that she loves him, even though they have had a friendship since.

you do need to be cautious as she has already told him that she would like to get back. i don't think it was right of her to add you to MSN without asking you first. This is only a maybe, but she might be trying to be friends with you, to work you out and to work out the faults in your relationship (if you have any) with your Bf. I dont think there is any problem being friendly with her, if you and your partner agree on it.

i wouldnt confide in her about any problems, i also wouldnt rub her nose into the fact that you two are very happy and very much in love (if you are). just respond to her and be friendly, but always have it in the back of your mind that she might turn against you, so be cautious. It sounds as though she hasn't got over being with your bf, and she probably needs more time to come to terms with it. I think if you react really badly towards her, you may come across as jealous, which your bf may not like. just discuss things with your partner, and hopefully you can become" friends" with his ex. but dont worry too much, as it's you he's with not her. it sounds as though hes had ample time to get back with her, and he hasnt, he chose you!! so feel good about that!!

hope this helps, Angel.x.x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2005):

Proceed with caution, dear. If he only dated her for 3 days, then it could be likely he seen something in her character, that turned him off. Has he ever told what that was or why they split up? She really sounds needy and desperate to be loved..people like this don't make good friends. If she says she 'loves him' after dating him for only 3 days...she has some emotional troubling simmering and she's could be looking for a way back into his life and ironically, she's doing it through you. She wants to stay connected to him, so she is preying on you, so in effect, she could be using you. She'll pretend to be your friend and then wham! When your back is turned or you and your bf have an argument, she'll go for the jugular. They're are many like her who are unkind people pretending to be true or good friends. The common traits of bad friends are: one who takes anything- one who is a great talker or only pays lip-service by making empty promises-one who flatters or only says pleasant things-wanting a lot for very little (or wanting much in return for giving only a little and seeking friendship only for her own advantage. As I said, sad people who are users. Just be careful...friendship take a long time to build trust and respect and we should all be careful, in the beginning of any new friendships. Good luck and Take care

Hugs, Irish

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A female reader, Phyrekiss +, writes (8 December 2005):

Phyrekiss agony auntI dont think you are being paranoid. Ive had this happen to me before. She is probably trying to get in good with you, so that you wont mind her talking to him, or possible trying to see him again. All she is trying to do is avoid confrontation with you so she can worm her way back in to his life. She demonstrated that perfectly when she started to ask him out again. Definatly stay away from that one.

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