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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: i have met a man through work. he has taken an instant liking to me, and whilst i thought he was a nice guy, i never thought anything more than that. on our second meeting, i realised he was very attracted to me, and we ended up in bed together. i found out he has a wife and 2 kids - 3 and 5 years old. i felt disgusting, he feels disgusting about what he's done too. and as such we have been talking every day since, working through the feelings of guilt and hurt. but the more we talk, the more connected we become. i know he's unhappy in his marriage but i don't want him to use me as the excuse to leave. should i cut the relationship - even though i genuinely like him? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2006): Hun.. im in the same situation as you so i completely understand where your coming from. Mines a lil more difficult, they havent got children yet but are trying for one, how bad do you think i feel.
So ive decided to back off as much as i like this guy he has to make his decision, i know its not easy when you want somebody so much but honestly there isnt anything you can do. Your feelings are important just as much as everybody elses whose involved. If he decides to leave his wife then thats his desicion and then maybe when he's ready he can start a relationship up with you. Its best to let him make the descion on his own.
Good luck and i hope you get what you want.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (23 December 2006):
 Of course you should cut the relationship !! The fact that you're even asking is a CLEAR sign that your conscience is speaking to you...loudly. At what point did you find out about his family, before or after the romp? If you found out before, you've got poor judgement. IF you found out after, he kept it a secret for a reason. That reason would be to sleep with you. If you thought he was single, then it's not your fault. Now that you know he's married, it will be your fault if it continues. How you feel about him is not important. If you think it is, you're behaving in a selfisn manner, trying to win over a liar and a cheater. What a prize he would be?
Also, you say you both feel disgusted by your behaviour. That's appropriate, and so you should. You're not being honest with yourself though. If you were that disgusted, you wouldn't continue talking with him about his marriage, his needs and blah blah blah.... It almost sounds sad, the part where you say you're working through your feelings of guilt and hurt. How do you know he's unhappy in his marriage? I assume it's by his account of the situation. Well, we already know he's a liar. You don't want him to use you as the excuse to leave.... Why not? You're sleeping with him. You're in this up to your eyeballs. You can't do what you've done and then not take responsability for your actions. How can he rebuild his marriage if he's having sleepovers at your house?
I'll tell you what you're doing. He comes to you with his baggage and crys on your shoulder. You feel motherly and listen to him, saying what he wants to hear. You're flattered because he likes you. He knows you're flattered and the cycle continues. He complains about his wife and you assure him he has reaason to feel the way he feels and you would never treat a man that way. He then says he wishes he had a woman like you. That makes you feel good and .....People like to be flattered, you're falling into the trap. It's a slippery slope and a well travelled one too. This is nothing new. Most affairs start out this way. It's the same old recipe for disaster.
Go back to my first point. You know it's wrong. That should be the end of the story.
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A
female
reader, artistical_bumblebee +, writes (23 December 2006):
 hes already cheated on his wife with you so no matter what you do now his relationship with his wife is messed either way and if he was cheating on his wife with you are you sure you want to be with someone who cheats?he needs to decide what he wants let him decide whatever the outcome its not your fault hes in the wrong as he new what he was up to this is out of your hands now you can only hope for the best whatever the outcome.
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