A
female
age
30-35,
*rokenhearted_04
writes:Sooo im 17 ill be 18 in three months and my boyfriend has asked me to marry him. We've been together almost 3 years now and we both love each other so much! I really love this boy and i think he's amazing and sweet and just PERFECT for me! I know we were made for each other! Well anyways he wants to marry me and he's talking about having kids with me and starting a family! (we are both still virgins tho we are waiting till we are married) and that makes me soo happy knowing he loves me that much! ...... But... Me being someone that was adopted and growing up in really tough situations i'm scared.. Because i don't want to like mess anything up with my boyfriend because everythings already soo perfect but it would kill him if i rejected his offer :( So do i just need to like tough it out and whatever..?Or do i continue to be a scared little girl...?Idk what to do HELP please!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (21 July 2009):
 I think the best thing to do is to talk to him and tell him how you feel. If you have had a tough childhood then you have every right to be a little hesitant when it comes to making plans for the future, and I'm sure your boyfriend will be very understanding. You just need to tell him that you love him loads and that you know you are made for each other, and that your not rejecting his offer its just that you are feeling scared about everything and you need a little time.
While you have both been together for a while you are still very young and there is no need to rush things, you both clearly love each other very much and that isnt going to go away any time soon. Talking about the future is great and you should both be excited about it, but lots is going to change over the next couple of years so it would be sensible to just wait until you both have steady careers (once you have finished school/college etc) and you have both got the money to have a wedding and then a family.
Your fears are completely justified, in reality you are only 17 and talking about something that still scares most 30 year olds! Marriage and kids is huge, it is a big deal and everyone gets scared by the idea. Hence why people often wait until their 20's/30's to get married, because it requires a lot of mental and emotional maturity to make such a huge, life changing step.
I think talking to your boyfriend will be best, I'm sure he will understand and if he really loves you then he will be happy to wait until you feel ready. There is no rush to settle down together, just enjoy being young and in love! These years are the best of your life and it is wonderful you have someone to share them with, so just enjoy that and let all the plans for the future stay in the future for the time being.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, MIzzCC19 +, writes (21 July 2009):
 You are still young and have your whole life ahead of you to have children. You need to tell your boyfriend how you are feeling as this may help him understand the reason why you do not want a child yet. Also you shouldn't do this because it is what you boyfriend wants, if it isn't what you want as well then it will make you unhappy and possible end up resenting the child when it is born.
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