A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:so my boyfriend and i have been together close to a year and a half now. he has been unemployed for a loooooooong time. i love him so much but my patience is starting to wear thin. he is not very motivated to find a job. he is living with family who are paying the bills and almost all of the time i pay for the fun stuff. anyway he keeps saying that "once he gets another job we'll get a place together" and has hinted to a more permanent future for us. so im still hanging in there. i want to be with him but he is comfortable in his living situation right now. part of me feels like he is just feed me a bunch of empty promises. what should i think? what can i say and do to help things move along? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): It's true-- this is a bad time to be unemployed. It can get discouraging really quickly. To measure his motivation, you might want to ask him how he feels about finding some volunteer work doing something he'd really enjoy (dogwalking at the local animal shelter? cutting lawns for sick/elderly folks in his area? food bank? anything). Everytime that I've volunteered, it's always led to a paying job. If he brushes that off, he may be just a lazy dude who isn't interested in getting off his parents' dole.Since he lives with his folks, does he do any household chores to make up for his lack of paying rent, for example does he offer to maintain the yard, cook the meals, do the grocery shopping, clean the house? If not, I think he's not only unmotivated, he'd also be a lousy mate to have when he *does* get a job! :)Of course, he could also have undiagnosed depression, which is a whole other thing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): The economy sucks. Not only is it hard to find a job, but it's hard to find the motivation to find a job. I wouldn't put so much blame on him, but just talk to him about it. Try to support him and help him find places to apply to. Try motivating him yourself. Tell him how important it is for him to find a job because you want to be financially secure to live with him. Tell him that you need that security because you don't want to pull all of the weight by yourself. It's a team effort. I don't think his promises are empty - just unmotivated. Just give him a little nudge. If he loves you, I'm sure he'll move forward once he sees how important it is to you.
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