A
female
age
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*odeogirl
writes:I have been with the same guy in a relationship for 14 yrs, not married, I raised my own kids, and they were grown, and then after 9 months after meeting him, I was put on the spot to stay with him and raise his kids, I could have said no, but I loved him, and the kids mom went to prison for their entire lives.They were ages 2 and 4 yrs, they are now 16 and 18 yrs I have paid my own way the entire 14 years, he is so tight, he has accused me of spending $10.00 -$20.00 of the grocery money he gives me for the week, and now a charge was shown on his credit card bill, for $42.00, he didn't know what it was for, immediately he accused me of charging something, or doing it. Previously I had his credit card info from 6 months ago when I booked him a airline ticket.He accused me of keeping that information and behind his back charging something now on it. He was mad and adamat about the whole thing. I had him go online-check the status called the company and lo and behold it was something that he charged from a year ago that was up for automatic renewal, and that's what it was for. Afterward, I said you owe me an apology.He wouldn't say he was sorry, he just kept spewing harsh words towards me/evading the issue. I would/have never ever took money from him. He knows that too, he knows I'm a very honest person, he's just so cheap, and has to accused someone! He's pushing me away. I can't stand that side of him. Any advice? Besides leaving him, I would like to somehow have him fix his attitude, or this character flaw in him.Our relationship is good 80% of the time.Thanks so much...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): wow,, 80% good and 20% butthead ?? and that's ok ??
This guy has been packing some serious baggage enough to fill an airplane,, and for how long ???
Has he always refused to take personal responsibility for his own mistakes ? Life is way to short to be miserable 20% of the time.
You can try getting both of you to some sort of counceling but it sounds like he's a control freek. (goggle "BPD") I would not be suprised if he's packing some sort of luggage from "wifey" going to prison.. If he refuses counseling,,
I think you already know the answer....
A
male
reader, Alligator +, writes (9 January 2010):
It sounds like you are a good person, who is in over her head. You've raised your kids. It may be asking to much to raise someone else's. Everyone needs someone in their life. Maybe you will me someone who will appreciate your good heart. When you do don't walk out on him. Run!!!!
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A
male
reader, redsox29 +, writes (9 January 2010):
Is 80% of the time good enough for you? I realize the pond for dating may be smaller at that age but I wouldn't be happy with that at any age. You and him need to have a real discussion and you need to lay it out for him that by him freaking out on you, for something that wasn't your fault, really hurt your feelings. After 14 years of being with him and you paying your own way this whole time, he should be able to trust you better than that. After as much time as you've been with him I know it would be hard to lose that companionship, but really, if he can't trust you with something as foolish as the money he gives you for groceries or a $42 dollar charge on his credit card, he needs a reality check and that may be that you aren't going to take that crap from him.I'm sorry but he sounds like he may be an a-hole.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): Yeah, he's just cheap and he is guilty about something. How does he spend money on himself? He isn't going to change his attitudes about money at this late stage.Ann Landers has a saying that makes sense to ask yourself, "Am I better without him or with him?"Only you know the answer to that one.I agree he owes you an apology, maybe you should hand him a bill for child rearing and house cleaning and let his jaw drop to try to explain that one...just an idea.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 January 2010):
You can't just change a man, especially one who is like this. All you can do is try talking to him about it and ask him why he feels the way he does. But the truth is after all this time, he won't change.
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