A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiOk idk how to explain this but I'm going to try ok.I am currently a sophmore in high school and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with one of my best friends.I met him at the beginning of my freshmen year when I joined the swim team.we started off as really great friends and then I started to fall for him and fast...I really think I'm in love with him but I feel silly saying that being that I'm only 15. I'll be the first to admit it. Now most of u are probably thinking just talk to him about it. See here's the trouble he is a senior and is currently in a 10 month relationship with a girl who hates me. He is also much more experienced in the matters of sex and that doesn't bother me at all. In fact I wish I could give him my virginity. I don't know what to do about this because I'm afraid that if I tell him how I feel I'll ruin our great friendship. It's just come to the point where I can't take this pain in my heart anymore. Every time I see him I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest.Advice would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, :)) +, writes (28 January 2009):
my advice to you is to just keep your feelings on the DL. i'm at around the same age as you and i've been in somewhat of the same situation. from what you wrote i see that you have really strong feelings for this guy, but i'm possitive that it is not love. you might think it is but it is just all tht "like" you have for him that is messing with you.another thing is that don't get inbetween their relationship. obviously if he has been with that girl for 10 mnths then he prolly only sees that friend side of you. and it can also cause bunches of drama and stuff like that for you if she finds out that you like him as much as you say you do. and drama is never a good thing. so i say to keep this to yourself and tr y to move on as much as possible. it will prolly be hard but after this year he is going off to live his own life and maybe it will be eadier when he's gone. but for now just keep to urselff:)hope this advice helps.-much luck
A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (28 January 2009):
 A couple lessons to learn early in life are,
Don't try and break up someones relationship!
Don't get involved with someone who is involved with someone else!
As a senior, his 10 month relationship with this other girl could prove to be rather significant. He/they will be graduating soon and starting an adult life. This could lead to marriage, and the rest of THEIR lives.
You, on the other hand, at 15. Still have a couple years left of school. At 15, infatuation can be mistaken for love.
I wont recommend that you talk to him about it. You could ruin your friendship, OR you could end up losing your virginity to a one night thing that could possibly ruin the relationship that he has with this other girl. In essence, ruin his future.
If you truly love him, you will respect his happiness!
You think she hates you now, imagine how she'd feel about you then!
You say that you wish you could give him your virginity. Are you sure that doing that with someone who is in love with someone else, and all the negative repercussions that could come from it, is truly the way you'd want to look back at your first time when you are say,,,25?
My advice is to keep it as friends, fantasize about him all you want. But keep your virginity for someone that isn't committed to another, and that you both are mutually and openly in love with one another!
Best of wishes,
Joe~
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): I have to be somewhat blunt with you and please don't take this advice the wrong way. I mean it with the best of intentions but you need to hear it straight up. Do not tell him anything. You are 15 and you are telling us you 'think' you love a guy, with whom you are thinking of giving your virginity to... based on this feeling that you 'might' love him. That sounds pretty reckless, hun. Added to that, you know he has been in a long term dating relationship with another female. So..what does that information tell you? It's strongly and clearly apparent his romantic focus is on someone else. I am sure he is nice to you, and is a wonderful, supportive friend. And that is okay...in fact it's great to have good friends like that. But why would you want to interfere with his relationship. If you do that, then I have to say, you 'don't love him'. Why? Because when we love someone we wouldn't do anything to cause them duress and pain. So to break them up would be a pretty selfish act and all about only you. Right? Or is this a case, where you are a female who is so lonely for a bf, she is mistaking his helpfulness and nicety for intimacy? If so, then this is slightly a distorted, dnagerous misconception on your part and you need to stop doing that. I suggest you enjoy the friendship you have with him and leave it at that. You do sound a bit lonely and loneliness causes neediness, which causes unthinking, damaging, risky behaviors...so watch out for that. You need to be strong, think of him and his happiness and forget about telling him this. And...please try to work that through and focus yourself on finding available, single guys, in all your other social activities, in your school and life. Another thought here. If she hates you, make sure you aren't thinking of doing this to enact some revenge on her. That would be downright nasty, hun! Think of your true motivations, here. So please make the choice, to leave this couple alone...it doesn't matter how she feels about you...you just do not interefere in HER relationship, because doing that may tell him something about your character that he could misinterpret as being less than admirable, hun. Good luck, be strong, dear and just make some good, sensible choices, here.
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