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female
,
*outhern
writes: i have been with my partner now for 3 and a half years, we have a daughter together and she is 2, just lately he addmitted to me that he had slept with my best friend, in the past he has hit me, threatend me and i am scared of him when he has had a drink, i have just started a new job which is part time and now he is shouting at me that he wants me to do 40 hours a week working, i love him so much but i dont know what to do, am i being walked all over, am i being treated unfair, or is it all in my head, please help me.
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female
reader, southern +, writes (24 March 2006):
southern is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni would like to thank every one for there advice, i think in my heart i really knew what i needed to do, but i just needed someone else to tell me, it will be hard but i do have my family but i dont have any friends as i dont feel like i can trust anyone after what the last one did, all i want in life is a man to love me for who i am not what i can do for them, and not be a punch bag, just hope i find one. thanks again. x
A
male
reader, dobby666 +, writes (24 March 2006):
 YOU NEED TO GET THE HECK OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP NOW!!!
its not healthy or fair for your daughter to go through the upset you are feeling. kids always know when somethings wrong with the parents. You would be doing your daughter a favour by getting away from this man. its a classic tale of "but what about the child" don't let this man put you and your daughter through anymore misery. there are many help groups for women in your situation. Good luck for yours and your daughter's future!
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (24 March 2006):
 I think this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all.
He has cheated on you, abused you physically and mentally and I think that he shows very little respect for you.
I think you need to, and I know you love him, but walk away. This is not a good situation and you really do deserve much better.
My mother has always said to me "you are better off alone than with a loser" and it is so so so true.
I would seek out the support of your family and friends and end the relationship. If you feel he could become violent, do it in a public place, even have a friend waiting in the carpark to take you home.
I am guessing you live with him so I would make sure that you have a safe haven for yourself and your daughter and a support network for yourself.
BTW - I think you can drop the word "best" from your "best friend" - what sort of friend sleeps with their friend's bloke. Not a very good one is the answer.
You are in control here, not him. You have the power to walk away from his abuse with your head held high and make a better life for you and your daughter.
Remember there are also support services available int he community for abused women and if he threatens or becomes violent towards you or your daughter, you have the police on your side.
Get rid of him and get yourself a life where fear and intimidation have no place.
Good luck - let us know how you are going and if we can offer follow up advice.
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A
female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (24 March 2006):
 First of all this sounds like a very abusive relationship not just mentally but physically aswell, secondly this is not all in your head, you are being treated unfairly and your partner is just walking all over you like a door mat, your asking us "is it all in my head?" this question suggest to me that your doubting yourself, DON'T doubt yourself.i know that telling you to leave this guy is easier said then done, you say you love him and there is a child involved, but lets look at the facts, his cheated on you, he has hit you and threatend you,and he has also mentally crushed you, does this sound like something someone who loves you would do? no it is'nt, and do you really want your child to grow up thinking that his type of behavior is acceptable in a relationship?. another thing that has concerned me is that your scared of him when he drinks, is this because he has hit you? or does he mentally abuse you or both while he is drinking? if this is the case i am concerned because not only is this abuse directed at you but what if his drinking becomes out of control and he hurts your child. i really do feel for you and i hope that you find the courage to step up and remove yourself from this relationship, not just for you but your child aswell, staying in this unhappy relationship will be noticed by your child and this could cause problems for your child in the future, personally if i was you id move away closer to family or friends that you can trust, and then i would tell the police about him hitting you and then id try and get a restraining order so he cant get to you or the child. good luck, remember you deserve better then that and i hope that you do take the step to get out i know it will be hard at first but for the sake of your own dignity and your childs furture it is worth it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): His shouting, threatening, and striking you are all unacceptable behavior on his part. You should inform the police that he has struck you as he'll likely do so again. Also, inform your parents, sibilings, and a trusted friend of his behavior and get professional consuling as quickly as possible. If you were my sister, I'd advise you to end this relationship ASAP (and help you out any way that was necessary). I don't know what his education, job, or career is, but regardless of that this man has demonstrated that he's out of control; do not let him continue to abuse you. This will take courage, but please see it through (you are young and can do this). Good luck.
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