A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi There!! I need thoughts and ideas on this issue. I love my bf; but he is very controlling, to the point that he wants to control my friends. He never seems to like my friends. He is constantly picking friends for me and, wants me to be friend with them. It is like if he picks friends for me because they are convenient or something. But, It doesn't work that way. Friends are like relationships, there's got to be some chemistry. When we first moved in together, I didn't like his friends, b/c e they are mostly women, but I had to accept it. And despite the fact I didn't like them, he continue being friends with them. Which I understand, they are his friends, not mine. I moved into this city about two years ago, and now that I am finally making friends, he is not happy. Finally, I am making friends in a City that I don't know, in a city where I am alone b/c he is working all the time. Maybe is me, I just don't like to be controlled. I don't know how to handle this situation, 'cause he is good with words and always turns the conversation around to blame it on me. He said " why do you have to have so many gay friends or single female friends?... I mean seriously: I don't feel like answering those questions, it is insane. Don't you agree? It is me.. this is who I am!!!!!OHHHHH .. I just want to scream!! We are not speaking right now, we are on a freeze zone!!!P.S: I used to be so outgoing , I had a lot of friends, I was friendly. Now, I feel like with time, I have changed because of my bf judgment about my friends. It's been a couple of years now, and I don't want to be like this anymore... I want to be me again...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 June 2011):
You know you need to walk away from this man, don't you? If not, check these out.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/subtle-signs-of-emotional-abuse.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/angry-boyfriend-wont-go-to-counceling-even-though.html
The second one is more important in your situation. I'm not saying that it will happen, but clearly this control freak of your boyfriend will escalate things one way or another.
Want to be you again? Want to be free, to make decisions about your own life? Want to be happy? - Leave this boyfriend of yours and don't look back.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): You're making the same mistake I made years ago. You're trying to convince him to see things your way and you think the reason you're not making any progress is because you don't have the right words to explain it to him. And you're also probably trying to meet him halfway hoping he'll see how reasonable you are.Your boyfriend doesn't want to see things your way because when he does, he'll have to change. By PRETENDING he disagrees or doesn't understand he is buying time and ensuring the status quo continues.If you don't think you can compete in a war of words than avoid the battle. His words only matter to someone who cares about them. To anyone else they are just noise. Stop explaining. Stop trying to convince him. Stop understanding him. When he makes comments about your friends, you say nothing or 'I like them'. If he asks why, you say 'I just do.' No matter how many times or how many ways he asks this question, your answer is always the same; 'I just do'. He may sulk and brood but eventually he'll give up asking.You don't need to convince him. You need to train him. And yourself.Or...you can get out of this unhealthy relationship which would be even better.
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