A
female
age
51-59,
*darlin
writes:I have been seeing a man on and off for the past 10 years. I really love him and the biggest problem is that he dosen't seem to make time for me. He use to call every day some times 3 times a day. Until three weeks ago I just got tired of waiting for him to ask me over. I told him that he gives me scrapes of his time and that is what people give to their dogs. Along with a few other things I said. I never cussed or said anything hurtful except at the end of the conversation I told him to don't call until he makes up his mind of what he wants a girl friend he is going to try to spend time with or not. (by the way in 6 mo. he took me fishing once. never to dinner. and he is the only man I am supposed to be dating.) I cry alot now I really miss him. I really do love him. Ok so it has been 3 wks and he has not called so I went to his house to try to discuss what was happening and he let me in, I went on to say that I miss him and I love him, I also told him I don't want to loose him. I want him in my life, I love him. He told me he misses me too and that he loves me but I gave him a lot to think about. On the next day I ask him if we could try to spend some time together that evening and he told me no not a good night. So I just said ok he told me saturday or sunday would be fine. well it is saturday and he has not called to ask me to come over. My hart is broken. I feel sooo bad. Please some one help me to get over this situation. I have gotten so depressed I don't want it to esclade. I am a college student and am taking finals now and I don't even feel like studing. It seems all i can think about is this man that I am afriad dosen't really love me. But why why would thay say that they love us if they don't even now try to see us.
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female
reader, ndarlin +, writes (2 August 2010):
ndarlin is verified as being by the original poster of the question I just want to say thanks to all of you who gave me advice. It is hard to let go of someone you love. But I know that I have to. I will take your advice on finding things to do that make me happy. That will probley be the best for me. I love to cook and maby I will take a class on baking. (even though I don't eat what I bake, I just like to make others happy.) Thank you all so much. I need the support.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): Aww hun, I am so sorry this is happening to you!I stayed in an 8 year relationship with a guy who never wanted to spend any time with me. He made me feel that he was the best that I could get and that men out there would only use me and toss me away. So I stayed, I thought he was the best.I fooled myself. I didn't know what else was out there. That is until one day I went to salsa class and met this wonderful caring man who chased me adored me from the moment we met. I broke up with my boyfriend within a week and suddenly he was calling non-stop and wanting to be with me.Believe me it was not a hard choice to make. Now I've been dating my present boyfriend for 2 years. We're planning to get engaged and everything :) He calls me all the time, spends almost every day with me - buys me ice cream to surprise me, I find flowers in my house, he runs out and gets aloevera at 8 am without me asking because my sunburn hurts, he goes out of his way to do EVERYTHING for me...last night for example we were driving 3 hours to see his parents. We had a rest stop to go the the bathroom, me having a sweet took, I started eyeing the muffins and other sweets. He laughed and told me, "no time for junk food,, we're almost there and will eat something healthier". So we get into the car and he says, "hun can you pull out that bag on the backseat?". I pulled it out, he goes through it and pulls out a container of home made rice pudding (my favorite). HOW SWEET IS THAT!!!This guy goes well beyond anything to make me happy and see me smile. I wish I had met him earlier and not wasted so much time with the dick I dated earlier.So my point is, there are really great men out there. I know its hard to imagine, especially when you love someone. But, this is the worst part of the whole experience...your heart hurts and you're feeling anxious and uncomfortable. BUT, it passes with time. That acute pain (I felt it when I broke up with my ex for 4 months once) does pass within a few weeks/months. You just have to get yourself busy with friends and activities. How about focusing on improving yourself. I would also suggest counseling (what I did) which helps clear your mind and might help you work through this issue of no having enough self-respect to walk away from situations where someone is neglecting you. FOCUS on YOU right now. Keep yourself busy. Become a better you. While your focused on yourself someone wonderful will come along. BIG HUGE hug for you!
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A
male
reader, Boombadaboom  +, writes (1 August 2010):
 Well, one thing I'll change is that if he blows you off, you shouldn't just say 'ok'. You're obviously not just ok with it so don't lie. Speak up because he's getting the feeling that it's 'ok' and that you're fine with it. Demand his attention and tell him your true feelings. Don't be a toy to let him pick up whenever he thinks of it. Besides, what is he doing that's more important than you? If you two are serious then he should take you serious and make you a priority, right? Don't settle for being choice number TEN or whatever. As a love in his life you should be number 1 or 2 but not much less. Your heart breaks twice as much because you feel like you're losing dignity. Keep your dignity and be a woman you want to be. Let him adjust to you for a change and not reversed. He'll like you so much more if he can look up to you more and respect you more. I take that from the fact you talked about a dog and being like it. No. You're obviously not number 1 so he shouldn't be either for now. Do some stuff you always wanted to do, like danceclasses or anything. Find some happiness in other ways, I mean. You go to college; you obviously take some reigns into your hands. Just don't settle for what you're settling now... find new joy and perhaps your old joy will come after you and mix. If not, you still have your newfound happiness and you will definitly have a better angle to succeed gaining his love, attention or whatever you feel like having :P
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 August 2010):
 Plain and simple, you are not important to him. You can cry and beg all you want, but if he can't pick up the phone once in three weeks you are not even on his radar.
Time to move on to someone new. Someone who's interested. He is not that guy.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, babymonkey422 +, writes (1 August 2010):
 Totally agree with Rescuer...
You didn't even need to ask him if he wanted a girlfriend or not because he obviously has been giving you that answer for 10 years!! He doesn't want one!
Hun you deserve someone who will always be there for you and make time for you! I mean really, do you want to spend the rest of your life chasing after this guy who won't even give you the time of day majority of the time? Or do you want to hurt a lot for a while but then find someone amazing who treats you with love and respect?!
I went through so much pain when my ex fiance left me and I thought I would never find anyone as good as him LET ALONE better. A few months went by and I decided to try to get out there and just enjoy meeting new people and guess who I meet? The man of my DREAMS!!! I would have gone through that pain 10 times over if it meant me being with my husband at the end. So trust me when I say you'll thank yourself someday.
Respect yourself, respect your life and you heart. It's time to move on :(
He's not going to change... No matter how badly you want it, it's just not going to happen :(
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (1 August 2010):
First you need to stop crawling to him on your belly hes treating you the way he is for 2 reasons 1st because he can and 2 because hes not a man. he likes toying with you and you are allowing him too! men will respect what you give them to respect they will only love what you give them to love! you need to start having respect for yourself and use your head and stop thinking w/ your heart all the time i mean common i don't even know you and please don't think iam putting you down you are asking for our advice! and this is the only advice i know to tell you. and it's up to you to really think about what iam saying to you! stop being his doormatt and focus on your studys because it sounds like you have no security w/ him! you need to get your shit together and know you don't need to depend on men to make you whole thats when a good man comes along when you got it all together. and not just that but you will be more selective in who you date and wont make the wrong choices. men do not like woman nor do they have any respect for woman who are too clingy im telling you they like a strong independent woman whos knows what they want out of life! this one your with is a dog! not you. you deserve better then him thats for sure. know you don't have to settle for 1/2 ass men enjoy you, (take a little me time) you know what i mean, get into doing some things you like doing and focus on your school and know you are worth it life! is way to short and your still ticking nothing is inpossible but it's all up to you to make it what you want it to be. don't let anyman own your mind!!!
Best Wishes!
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