A
female
age
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*gle duckling
writes:Why do married men say there not checking out other women while there with there wife, and she the wife see's it and says it hurts her. But he says its not true.And then when she says something about it he makes her feel bad for saying anything at all.What to do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ugle duckling +, writes (13 May 2010):
ugle duckling is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for helping me out!
A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 Everyone checks out other people, regardless of the fact they're in a relationship (men and women alike).
They say they aren't looking because they don't want to hurt their partner's feelings, but cut them some slack. They're only human, they have a pulse.
If I have a boyfriend, it doesn't stop me from checking out other men. The important thing is to look and not touch.
People should be free to look at others without judgement, it's kind of human nature.
If he makes you feel bad for voicing your opinion, then that's a problem. He shouldn't be so defensive about it. But at the same time, if you angrily accuse him of looking at another woman, it's no wonder he responds in a defensive way.
I think you both need to change the way you communicate. He might feel like he's being told off, instead of having an adult discussion.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 Accept the fact that men have roving eyes.It is their innate nature and they cannot help it.
If they can only look at you , it can be pretty boring in their life. You cannot stop them. If you cannot stop them , join them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): When guys check out other girls, its reaction really, i bet by the time she is out of his vision, he's already forgotten about her...its just reaction, all guys do it, it took me forever to realize that i was even doing it
dont worry about it if everything else in the relationship is great
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A
female
reader, xxsecretsxx +, writes (3 May 2010):
 This is a common problem with all couples, but you know I know a wonderful couple who are completely happy with eachother that make it into a game of sorts.
What they do is simple, and I think it can be very entertaining for them, even make them more comfortable talking about other people, but expressing that the one they love is the one they are with.
When the husband or wife looks at another person they tell the husband or wife what they find attractive about them, laugh about it, then the other takes a turn. It's done in good humor and honestly..neither of them gets hurt by it.
I'm not saying this can work for all couples, because we all know not everyone has a sense of humor about that, but its worth a try.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (3 May 2010):
 If he's your husband he's with you for a reason...because he loves you. Men, and women, like to look...we're all visual creatures. Just because he looks at other women doesn't mean he's not in love with you. He tells you he's not doing it because he knows that if he admits it you'll get upset. He probably doesn't like you pointing it out...because he's not doing anything wrong.
I think you need to be more secure in yourself to not let this bother you.
I have a long-term boyfriend and I love him but I also check out other guys when we're out. It's just me admiring the view...and it's not like I'm going to do something about it. My boyfriend I'm sure does the same. I even point out a good looking girl out to him and we rate her together.
Stop worrying about it. If your relationship is great otherwise, if he loves you and treats you with respect and hasn't cheated on you, he is allowed to look. If you start telling him what he can and can't look at he'll resent you for it.
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