A
female
age
,
*ad
writes:my husband of 2yrs watching porn on the net anytime i am not around or in bed.i have caught him only 2months ago on a dating site for sex he said he never do again.now he's on loads of porn sites everyday.i am not a prude in any way but he does not touch me, I ask him if any thing wrong but he refuses there is.he only touch me 5times in 2yrs.i love sex but he just dosent want it with me.iam in peices we just bought a new home together and all i can see when i look at him is a lair deceitful man.he made me feel worthless and degraded about myself.as i sit writing this for advice i just checked his recycle bin and he been doing it for years iam mortifid what do i do. help.i love this man with every part of me and i am hurting bad
View related questions:
porn, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (16 October 2007):
You need to get him some professional help. You are being hurt big time.
A
female
reader, rammsteinfan +, writes (16 October 2007):
 What you need to do is start taking time out for YOU! Go to the hair salon and get yourself a new hairstyle...maybe add a new color to it. Go out and get some new outfits that make you look and feel like the Princess you are. Try going to the gym for exercise classes, which not only make you healthier but make you feel better about yourself. I know what you are going through, for I was in the same boat as you!
Now for your husband, I think he might have a deep seated problem that goes far beyond being addicted to porn that you are not aware of. He should get some kind of help for that. And you should put something on your computer that blocks those porn sites so he can't access them. (do that when he is away from the house)
And please take time out for you....you deserve it. Don't beat yourself up over this. There are plenty of men out there that will treat you a lot better! Believe me!!
Good luck to you and God Bless you!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): I am so sorry for your pain and absolutely...it has nothing to do with you! With the onset of internet porn and it's availability, counseling offices across the country are jam packed with couples going through your same situation. Your husband is a sexual addict and he needs to own up to that addiction. The problem is not you, it's him and his weaknesses. As is the case with any addiction, it is imperative that the he “owns” his addiction. His behavior belongs to him and him alone. He is in control of his own behaviours, thoughts and choices in life. Even if one's marriage is one that is wrought with other unspoken problems – problems that make intimacy difficult -that's still not an excuse to use porn. For one thing, porn never satisfies. It may give the illusion that it satisfies, but the reality is that it never satisfies the need that is at the root of the pornography use problem. It only sparks the desire for more of the same. Second, by doing so, the husband does little more than to show exactly how weak he is. A life of good, generosity and love of family requires far more diligence and strength than does a life of indiscretion, which he has chosen. Is there hope for the marriage? Yes.. but first- the husband must "grasp the reality" that his actions are destructive to you, his wife and he must remember he's responsible for uphopdling his end in this marriage in keeping it healthy and happy. He's not doing that is he? You need serious marriage counselling. You should set a deadline for him to show that he is willing to enter a serious program to help him kick the habit. There is help available. Once his addiction is out in the full light, its power is diminished..he mustn't let shame control him. Pornography is as addictive as alcohol, drugs and nicotine. It causes actual changes to brain chemicals in the same way that cocaine does. It will not stop by itself. Just like addictive substances, he will need more and harder core porn to keep the brain chemicals at the same level. He needs serious help today and there should be close monitoring of his progress. I also suggest you get rid of the computer, the internet connection and all pornographic material in your home. No marriage has ever been enhanced by a man or women's excessive porn usage like this. Get rid of the problem and he should be in counseling to deal with his compulsion that he has mismanaged for years.
I don't know if you are experiencing this but one other thing to be aware of. When it comes to porn addiction, some husbands attempt to play the blame shifting game (manipulations-common with addicts) He may say something like “If you had done this or that, I wouldn’t feel the need to use pornography.” The most common form of blame shifting that we hear is when the husband says, “You’re just insecure. All men do it.” In just seven words, he manages to shift the blame twice. First he shifts the blame for his wife’s own pain onto her. “You’re just insecure.” Then he blames society for making it okay. “All men do it.” Two comments but two very big lies. Don't fall for this, and call him out. He needs to know that his lies, actions and manipulations are doing little more than drilling holes in your heart. In other words, be strong and be tough.
If he refuses to get help-walk out and leave before he drags you down into the hell he's gotten himself into. And please find a support group you can get involved with. You will need to heal from this horrible experience. Good luck and god bless
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): Firstly you have the right to be happy and what he is doing is cruel and selfish - no question, no debate. Lots of men look at porn but are usually aroused and want to follow this up with physical contact. He is hiding other problems behind this porn addiction and the way he is treating you is abusive and you need to give him an ultimatum and stick to it - for now, its you or the porn. How much more of this can you take?? Get a contingency plan in place should you need to leave quickly. There is your esteem and you own mental health to prioritise here.
...............................
A
female
reader, ladysuzanna  +, writes (16 October 2007):
 i think you should find someone else or tell him he needs help from a doctor from living it my self being rejected hurts even more when he interested in porn and show no feelings for you i lived the hurt and move what would you mean to him in 10 years if he doing that now good luck
...............................
|
