A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Two years ago, I fell head over heels for someone. We were together for 5 months. There was an amazing chemistry between us and it seemed obvious we were meant for each other. At some point he told me that he had recently been dumped by his 7-year fiancee and that he was depressed and didn't know if he could commit to me. He also has a history of depression. There were quite a few problems but he kept promising he believed our relationship was worth it and that things would get better. Finally, he ended it, telling me that he couldn't be with me, although he wanted to. I was very hurt, especially because I actually had to force it out of him that we were over.A year went by, with me struggling to move on. We had kept very minimal contact, so he seemed to be out of my life for good. I had put everything behind me and attempted a new relationship with someone I had become very interested in. That one also didn't work out and I was in the process of dealing with it when, three months ago, the ex rang me. He told me he was suffering from severe depression and needed help from his friends, and that although he knew he hadn't treated me well, he still considered me a friend. I responded to his cry for help, for one because I felt sorry for him, but also because I still care for that person and would like him in my life, even as a friend. We went out a few times, talked a lot, he has apologised a million times for hurting me and I have told him that it's all in the past now, and have sort of become friends. I have told him all about my next relationship that didn't work out and he has told me lots of stuff I didn't know about his personal life. He is trying to deal with his depression, he is in therapy, and he seems to be doing much better.Anyway, he started ringing me and asking me to go out about once a week. At first, I tried to be there for him and make this a friendship without getting too involved. Until a couple of weeks ago. Things were going on around us (as in societal and political developments) that we both felt the need to discuss with each other, so we spent a lot of time on the phone talking. We share opinions and interests, and sometimes it feels like there's no one who gets me more than he does, which was the main reason I was so miserable when we had broken up. We arranged to meet, and ended up spending 12 hours with each other, talking and having an amazing time. Nothing romantic happened, but he hugged me quite a few times and mentioned how good a time he was having quite a lot. He also said that he loved me when we were together, but he just coudn't follow the relationship through. Now he is out of town and I'm stuck here wondering what this thing between us is. I don't want to get false hopes, I'm dealing with this reasonably enough to not fall for him again, but the sense of us being meant for each other is back. Still, I'm so glad he is back into my life, even if he is only going to be a friend. Only I rarely spend 12 consecutive hours with friends enjoying myself so much, and I doubt it that he does.Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
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