A
male
age
30-35,
*nknown Lover
writes:Dear Cupid Key facts:-She is 18 years old -Maturity level of a child -Defence mechanism: complaining and irrationalityWhen I first met her, I believed that beneath her immature perceptions of humanity there would be a deep philosophical dimension but there was not – it was too late at this point to leave the relationship as it was before our exam dates which were very important. The relationship continued and ignorantly I avoided these issues, but now I have to deal with her immaturity. I have attempted to solve this: -I took her bush walking out in the mountains on a track which was impossibly long to complete and it was destined for failure. I hoped that she would realise more about herself and identity, it failed. -I took her to an ocean polluted by industrialisation to see a darker element of humanity. It failed again. -I tried to make her walk in my shoes for a day. It failed. I tried to understand her, by understanding how she thinks psychologically. What I have discovered is…complaining seems to be the key source of her immaturity, complaining is the primitive form of gaining attention as it is annoying and forces people to show sympathy and interact with her, it makes life easier and in return become dependent and reliant on others.It’s a vicious cycle she has trapped herself in and each time I try to intervene she has another defence mechanism – she instantly becomes irrational and unable to communicate back.So as you can see…I’m in a bit of a road block here. I understand that maturity takes time to develop, but this is utterly ridiculous…it has come to the point where it feels like I’m putting the relationship on life support – I’m being very patient…but I can’t keep this up much longer. Any advice Cupid?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen +, writes (18 April 2011):
 Immature or not, she has the right to be different from you. I can't see any relationship here except that between a self-styled ``guru'' and student. For both of your sakes, just leave her alone.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 Why do you have to be right about this? To me it sounds like you're trying to modify her to fit what YOU think she should be thinking and doing.
Walk away. You shouldn't want to change someone in order to be in a relationship.
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