A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is brilliant, he would do anything for me and I could go on forever saying nice things about him...We have a problem though! I have paranoia towards girls he works with or any girls he comes into contact with (for no good reason as he has never cheated and never would). I have trust issues but that's a whole other story..Anyway, my problem is that I moan and nag about anything and everything, it's like he can't do anything right! He tries his best and I know it's me with the problem but it never used to be like this! So now we have arguments all of the time about me moaning and nagging, (plus the trust issues and paranoia). So my questions are: Has anyone had a relationship which was (and still is great without the nagging) which turned a bit sour due to nit picking? How can I stop myself from starting arguments, nagging and moaning?I would like as much input as possible please!Thanks for reading this! X Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, satindesire  +, writes (6 March 2009):
 Here's the deal sweetheart.
You have baggage from your past, okay, you understand that. But what you aren't doing is controlling the words that are coming out of your mouth. You are punishing HIM for imagined things that he hasn't done, thus pushing him away. If you want this relationship to survive, you need to start keeping your worries to yourself instead of nagging him about stuff.
Believe me when I say that men hate nags. It's one of the worst things a girl can do in a relationship. You aren't his mother, you're his girlfriend, so controlling your desire to whine or complain will not only improve your self control, but also make your relationship better.
There are so many little things that can easily be ignored or let go for the sake of the relationship. My husband never puts his dirty clothes in the hamper, never puts the seat up, and leaves dirty dishes all over the house. These are some things that I could nag him about, but what's the point? That's who he is...and I love him more than I've ever loved anyone or anything in my life. I would rather have a happy husband than one who was emasculated and beaten down by my constant pestering. Sure, the dishes would be in the sink, but he'd resent me. And that's just not worth it in the end.
Control what comes out of your mouth. Realize that your issues are YOURS and not his problem to deal with, and understand and value the happiness of your boyfriend. Nagging doesn't solve problems, compromise and trust does.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice! We've been together for just over two years, I was fine at the begining, no nagging at him! And now I just seem to snap and moan at him about the little things. Thanks all, your advice was brilliant. Does anyone know any techniques which I may be able to use to prevent me from moaning? X
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): I understand totally.. I do the same thing to my husband. He's never done anything to hurt me but I still can't not be suspicious.. Maybe it's society because theres the sterotype of all men cheat, you know that kinda thing.. But I do know that you need to stop. Try talking to him and letting him know of your insecurities.. Maybe you were hurt in the past?? Could that be it?? Or did he cheat on his past g/f's and you know about it??? Those things could be clouding your judgement. Maybe you should show him this email so he'll know that you really d think he's great and try to start appreciating the little things by just being grateful.. If you cn't do it on your own maybe you might need help.. I don't mean to be harsh but if you really think you can't quit your behaviour then maybe deep down something else is going on inside and you may need counselling before you loose a good guy..Hope I helped..
...............................
A
female
reader, Eyespy17 + ♥, writes (6 March 2009):
Not sure if this will help , but my boyfriend of two years had some serious trust issues about a year into our relationship. I'm very social, and he's more introverted. Plus, my job requires me to be outgoing..Anyway, I realized the best way to have him trust me is show him that I have nothing to hide. I used to get annoyed if he asked me who text me (even if it was just a girlfriend) and on principle, I'd get defensive and not tell him, which led to more distrust. (even though I had nothing to hide)So, does he let you meet or hang out with his co-workers? does he let you see his emails or texts, phone, etc? NOT that you should be checking every 5 seconds, but if someone has nothing to hid, then their phone shouldn't be locked, and it would be no big deal if you saw his emails. Some married couples I know share a joint email account. I hope some of this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, Keri_Katt +, writes (6 March 2009):
Hi there. I’m glad to hear that you have a wonderful boyfriend and it sounds like you love him very much. It sounds to me like your “paranoia” is a result of some self confidence issues. I’m not sure how long the 2 of you have been together but it is pretty normal to enter a relationship overflowing with confidence but it doesn’t seem to take long before the “do these jeans make my butt look big?” starts? Sometimes we feel like we need to compete with every other woman in our men’s lives but that is impossible and we know it. So, what do we do instead? We poke and prod for information to see if he thinks their butts look better in jeans than ours do ;-) In reality, it’s your butt he was looking at when he decided that you are the woman for him and if you no reason to suspect that he is the cheating sort then perhaps it is just a case of insecurity. You may very well know that you’ve got yourself a keeper and your brain is telling you not to let him get away. I can tell you, from experience that insecurity will spoil your relationship. Counseling is for everyone but if it isn’t doable for you then find another outlet. You can’t continue to accuse or insinuate because you will lose him. Maybe you won’t lose him from your life but he will start to lose interest in being with you, you will see that as confirmation to your suspicions and then a very dangerous cycle begins.Ditch it, Lady. You’ve got him, he’s “brilliant” as you say. If he’s a keeper then KEEP HIM! Don’t waste your time second guessing. Life is just too short.C
...............................
|
