A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiMy bf of 3.5 years talks about his female boss very often like how hot she looks, how sexy her voice is. She is married with kids and i have seen her mildly flirting with my bf too.I told my bf not to talk about her often, as soon as he realized that i didnt like the way he is talking about her, he started talking more often about her to me. And its getting on my nerves but he never stops talking about her.What should i do, please help me
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 April 2013):
 you told him it bothered you... he has a work crush... it doesn't mean he's leaving you for her or she is hotter or better than you... he's got a crush. they are rather powerful and all consuming in the early days and they fade with time.... personally for me (having had work crushes over the last 24 years) it's kind of cute and it can step up the home life if handled properly. I rather encourage it and put it in their faces regularly and take all the forbidden aspects of it away.
he has a crush. Indulge him. When he gets home you can say "so what did boss lady wear today... much cleavage? how was her hair? makeup? did she smile at you? touch your shoulder while giving you instructions? what did she say to you?
make him talk about her from the second he gets home till he says NO MORE!
do this daily... EVERY day
one day he will walk in you will say "so what did boss lady wear today?" and he will say "I don't wanna talk about it"
WIN! Granted it's very subtly passive aggressive... but it works in that he will tire of her, he will realize he has no power to make you jealous (which is a negative emotion anyway) and eventually he may even realize what happened himself.
or:
instead of respecting you he deliberately stepped up his bothersome behavior. He's testing. maybe he WANTS you to be jealous. IF so that means he's insecure with your relationship.
Personally I think you need to "train him" (this is the opposite way to train from the first method and it's way more difficult as you will seethe with anger and hurt while you are taking your time apart from him)
Tell him from now on mention of her as related to anything other than work specifics (not how hot she is or how sexy she is etc but rather assignments and such which are common
if you live together every time he mentions her in anything other than work related context you say "not interested and I'm done talking to you for this evening" and get up from where ever you are with him and go to a different room.
IF he follows you, you just go to a different room again. IF he still follows you, take the car keys and say "I'm sorry talking about how hot you are for your boss is painful for me, I've asked you NOT to talk about it and I have told you if you do our conversation for the night is over. Since you can't respect me, I'm going out to a place where my needs and feelings are respected.
then drive to a diner and have a cup of coffee, call a girlfriend and complain about what a jerk he is.
either he will learn his behavior will yield negative effects and he will stop or you will realize you no longer wish to have a relationship with him.
IF you do not live together, then it's even easier... every time he mentions her, phone call over, or date over.
EVERY time she is mentioned and it's not work related, it ends his contact with you.... it teaches him to have negative connotations about his crush on her. This only will work if you are truly the most important thing in his life relationship wise. IF you are even a little bit shaky relationship wise, then it's his excuse to end the relationship as you are no longer the supportive loving doormat of a gf he wants.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): Why are you putting up with this? He is replaceable, value yourself and demand respect and if he can't give you that dump the bastard and move on.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 April 2013):
 I suggest you dump this one, and get a "boyfriend" who is a bit more accomodating of your feelings.....
Good luck....
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