A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i started seeing a guy about six weeks ago, casualy. I met himm for a drink and we got on well, we text a fair bit and i meet him in company maybe once every week and a half or so. I met him through my friend, he is very laid back. i was warned of this by my friend and told that it wouldnt be a reflection on me. we were out the other night and he was acting very laid back. i was a little thrown by his coolness so i asked him where i stood with him. i said this very casually and explained to him that if he didnt want to continue seeing me that it was ok and that i didnt want to out pressure on him. he said to me that we were "cool" and that he didnt have any answers, i explained i didnt want answers at all just to make sure we were going ok. i met himm the next day for coffee and he told me he thought it was silly for me to ask such a question. i explained nicely to him that i needed to know where i stood with him as he was playing it very cool (as usual). now hes saying that we'l see and we'l test the waters?????? im a little confused to his behaviour. I am beating myself up over asking the question, but i honestly thought it was a fair enough thing to ask especially over his laid back attitude. I would hate to think it was beacuse of this. i like this guy alot and he knows it too. i always look after myself looks wise and dress pretty well i think, he never comments!can any one offer me any advise please
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): This guy is so obviously trying to keep in control of the relationship. He's playing a game. Any future relationship with him would be a complete waste of your time (unless you like letting someone else control your relationships). Forget him. Move on. My guess is that once you do this then he'll want to come after you. When he does, don't fall for it, just tell him he had his chance and he'll just have to think of you as the one that got away.
A
male
reader, kinkydude  +, writes (21 September 2008):
he's doing what is necessary to entice you, and its working. but what you should do is make him come after you. men value what is difficult to attain-not impossible mind you- but for him to fall for you, things might be a little more difficult to get. give it a try. wait for him to initiate a date, for example.
but, in my opinion, he doesn't seem very gentelmanly. he seems a bit childish to me, the way u'v described things
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): Hi there, I'm in a very similar situation but have so far managed to resist asking the question. It's really tough because i feel like we're getting on so well that we must think of each other as more than friends. But i haven't managed to find the right situation to make a move or had any real hints from her that things are going that way. As a man it is hard having to (usually) make the moves and knowing when it is right to ask such questions and this is the predicament you found yourself in (but obviously the other way round). The fact that he is so'cool' all the time is probably because he doesn't have the worry of needing to know if you like him or not. He can relax as much as possible in your company knowing that you like him and are doing the chasing. It may have been better to wait and see how things progressed naturally but whats done is done and you shouldn't let yourself be undermined by his 'coolness'. Maybe start backing off a bit, that way he may start to realise that you're not going to chase him forever and that he needs to start taking things seriously and taking you seriously and let you know either that he doesn't like you that way or that he does but wants to take it slowly. The ball is in his court now! don't fret too much about it. You be the one to play it 'cool' from now on and see his reaction! Best of luck!
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