A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I hope someone can help.I was involved with a man for almost three years. He told me at the end of our relationship that he fell out of love with me a long time ago. I never thought I was good enough for him(I have since come to understand I was wrong) and I was often walking on egg shells. He could be critical, he ran me down on occasion, he didn't always treat me with respect, he threw me out of his house one time in a bid to get rid of me when I had nowhere esle to go. He had hit me more than once.Therefore, it was abusive. I have been receiving help from women's aid, who are great.However, despite all this, I wasn't exactly a doormat. I did stand up for myself. I hated the way he treated me. I would tell him so. Of course there is another side; he could be loving, gentle and very intelligent.He said I went on about things too much, couldn't let things drop, that I always had problems.Not long after we split, he had a new girlfriend. His history has always determined that he can't be on his own for long. This woman is foreign.Quite a few months have passed now. Apparently, she seems very happy.My question or questions are this;Is he treating her better than me, and if so, why? Could it be because she is much more passive than me?Can someone be happy with someone like him?Was it me that was in the wrong? Did I make him treat me so badly?It seems very unfair in many ways that he can be happy after almost destroying someone else's life. But that is life.I am content in my new relationship and I am very lucky in that the man I have chosen is the complete opposite to my ex. I have finally got it right.However, because I was in an abusive relationship, I am still struggling with these remaining issues. I know it can take some time to get over a bad relationship like that. Any thoughts and ideas would be welcome.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): I have to say, he doesn't sound like a sweet guy given to the odd bout of frustration although I agree this can sometimes happen. It sounds like you are in a better position without him. Maybe his new girlfriend defers to him more but she will see what is really like in the end.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): Hi dearthis is a common question that people ask so you are not alone, the answer 90% will go on to treat their next partner they way they treated you! why because they still have the same problems. Whereas you are comming to terms questionong yourself was it my fault? yes and no no because you didn't want/asked to be treated this way/ yes because you sound like a nice person that loved this jerk and didn't put a stop to it after the first couple of times, but you like me and the rest of us has had to learn the hard way. Don't beat yourself up abut this anymore, he can be someone elses problem now not yours, be happy in your life now and be glad he's with new g/f as it could still be you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): I know exactly how you feel cos I felt like this re my ex partner and I asked exactly the same questions. However now I am with my new partner, I don't care anymore but I know what you mean. She may be happy for now. It's only been a few months. Give it time and he will show his true colours to her as well. She may be very submissive, glad to have a man, she may be depending on him etc so the dynamics of their relationship could be different but he will show his true colours in the end. I remember a guy saying to me that his relationship with his second wife worked better than with his first wife because his second wife 'knew when to keep her mouth shut'! Awful! Any woman who is going to be with him will have to tiptoe around him. Just be glad you have moved on and are in a healthier relationship. These men don't change. The other poster is right, she will find out what he is like eventually. These guys usually manage to behave for 6-12 months I find and then they get progressively worse and the woman hangs onto the memories of those first 6-12 months or falling in love with what they thought was a 'nice guy'. Honestly - don't worry about it. His true colours will out. He wasn't mean to you because of you - he was mean to you because that is his personality. When I left the father of my children, who was violent, I later found out that he had been violent to every single other woman he had ever been with. Take care and enjoy your new life. X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): Hi Hunny,
You are in no way to blame for any of his behaviour, He is controlling and weak. My ex husband was the same and he met someone else and I told her to be carefull for the sake of her children, She thought me jealous and did not heed my word. I told her that he would be a getleman for about a year and went into more detail so she would be prepared, Hunny soon enough he was arrested for attacking her with knives while her children were in the house, And then I had the phone call, You were right what should I do? Unfortunatly she didnt listen to me and left her 4 beautiful children for him, And he has spent more time in prison than with her in 7 yrs they have spent not even 2 of them together she married him. Is she happy NO! She lost her children her home and has to now live and work to support herself in a country she is not used to being in, So rest your mind sweetheart and get yourself well and never forget the strong and amazing person you are WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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