A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay let me make this simple as possible. My Husband and I have a very strange life. We have been married for 7 years and we love each other.Well we where married very young 23 and 21(me). Neither one of us had a chance to live life. We both have cheated but always make up and come back together. This time we settled our differences he told me his friend on the side is having a baby, and keeping it:(He wonts to be with me and not her. What should I do??? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, UncleDoug +, writes (3 April 2010):
Hi,
First and foremost your bi-line is different than the facts you present in your post. One reads "he wants to be with both me and her" and the other reads "he wonts (sic) to be with me and not her," respectively. So you may receive some interesting answers here. The following answer is predicated on the information in the post not the bi-line, that is, that your husband wants to be with you and not her.
Many couples who marry young go through stages of happiness and regret (akin to buyer's remorse.) Until such time that they can compile sufficient life experiences to affirm that their marriage is rare and special, they may "experiment." You mentioned that the two of you have "experimented" from time to time. Perhaps you should consider some rules when it comes to "experimenting." Using birth control may be a good rule to implement.
Pardon the momentary digression here - I want to suggest that you speak candidly with your husband and make the determination of whether or not you two want an "open marriage" in lieu of the usual cheat, discovery, fight and make-up scenario that ensues following each of your indiscretions. An open marriage in this day and age is not unusual; many couples, who remain dedicated to each other and happy with life, enjoy this form of alternative lifestyle.
If you love him and he loves you to the exclusion of his latest conquest then stay with him. I would suggest as mentioned above openly discussing with him what kind of marriage he wants. Establish some rules and keep the lines of communication open all the time. You must realize that if the woman keeps the child that you husband will be ethically, morally and financially responsible for various aspects of the child's life. Are you ready to confront and deal with these realities? Take some time and really think about things, including but not limited to: your devotion to your husband and your marriage; what's in your best interest; and the possibility that if the woman is found unfit or something happens to her your husband may get custody of the child - can you accept the role of step-mom? You have much to consider before you act.
Good Luck.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 April 2010):
I think it's too late for this marriage. It's a mess. You've both cheated, and now he's got another woman pregnant. You need to get away from this cycle of cheating and pain, for your own sake. You will now never again be his number one (not that you were anyway). His child will. His child will have priority, and you will come way down the list. This marriage is dead, and you need to end it. If yuo don't I guarantee in ten years time you'll feel a hundred times worse, and you'll realize you've wasted time.
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