A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started dating my roommate recently. He used to have sex with women a lot but he doesn't make the first move with me and we've only had sex two times in 3 months. He was also very hesitant to actually "date" because he feels like I would move things along so much faster than he is ready for. I recently told him I can't do the ambiguous dating/non-dating relationship/non-relationship anymore. Either it needs to be something or we need to stop. He said he knows he can't have nothing with me and he really likes me and only me. Last night we decided to try out dating. He doesn't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend because he feels like things will move to fast. When he tells me this stuff, it makes sense, but as I'm writing it I feel a little foolish. I don't know if that's a valid feeling for this situation. Back to the sexual problem. I told him that I need him to want me. I can't be with someone who doesn't want to touch me and be physical. He told me (as he had told me before) that he thinks his medication is affecting his sex drive and he needs to do something about it. He said he switched meds six months ago...but 3 months ago he had sex with some random woman and he smiles whenenver he talks about it. He told me last night that when we first moved in together, he wasn't feeling like he wanted to have sex with me so he thought that meant he didn't want me. Then he got to know me and he realized he does want me and that for the past few months he hasn't "wanted to fuck anything." He is a very good person and usually completely honest, so I don't know what to think. And I'm not an unattractive person. I'm not trying to sound conceited at all, but it's not like I don't take care of myself he's just unattracted to me. I've wondered before if he feels like he SHOULD be attracted to me because other people are. I'm so confused. Is he using the medication as an excuse? Could it take 3 months for the side effects to kick in? Why was he so incredibly attracted to these other women before? He didn't want any sort of relationship with them, but he was very sexually attracted to them. He's only had one relationship and it was in high school (he's 23 and I'm 28....I know, big age difference). This is getting to be long. If anybody has any insight, I would really appreciate it. I don't want to talk with my friends, or people I know, about his lack of sex drive because that's pretty personal. I will talk with him, also, but there's only so many times I can bring it up. Thank you so much for your insight!
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moved in, roommate, sex drive Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): Maybe his sex drive problem is real but I think you're still getting played as a sex buddy just the same.
A
female
reader, Shan25 +, writes (4 December 2009):
You are aware that he did said he didn't want you. your into him and he knows it he. its sounds like he is playing games and you are defending his action. keep doing that because your only hurting yourself. he is being direct with you listen to him
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