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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 19 years old and recently met a man who I really liked a lot even though I was warned against. Instead of taking the advice I continued seeing him anyway. After 4 months of seeing him, I decided to sleep with him but he is the 1st person I have slept with. Afterwards I felt awful. He is constantly upsetting me and has told me he does not want a relationship. Rather than leaving it, I am continuing to sleep with him. I am so unhappy at the moment and I can't tell anybody about it as I am keeping it a secret from everyone. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2006): hi there its obvious he dont care he is a man you are worth more then that and trust me im telling the truth im going threw it at the momoent with a man that dont care and im carrying his baby . Let this man find some other girl to fool about get strong and tell him to jog on cause the next sex you have will be great trust me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2005): hello sweet heart!
wow, are you sure you're not telling my life story? When I was 19 I lost my virginity to a boy- he wasn't quite as bad as your guy sounded and we were going out- but even the ammount that he was mean to me still really hurts- 4 years later!
And you know what I wish? I wish I had got out of their WAAAYYYYY earlier.
So do yourself a favour now that will benefit you for years: stop living his life for him and live yours. Don't set up a pattern for yourself. get out now- sort yourself out- and when you're ready (and only then) go out with someone else.
This is not a pick or choose situation- you only have one choice.
be strong!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2005): I agree with Rebecca-she gives very good advice. First of all, why are you doing this to yourself? He's not a truely good guy and if he's been making you feel used-and you "know' you're better off without him. No, it's not easy to end a relationship, but in the long run it's much, much better for you than staying with someone who doesn't respect youor give a hoot. He's told you that, himself. If you keep up this relationship, then you are permitting him to use you. You are no longer a victim dear-you are a volunteer now. So don't allow this!
You have forfeited happiness and your self value, your confidence, your self-esteem and for what? To have sex with this self-serving jerk. Haven't you given up way, way too much of yourself, already. Walk away, hun...gather up the strength, the pride and then leave.
Please consider talking to a counselor if you are having a hard time breaking away from this dysfunctional relationship. They can help put so much in perspective for you. Start believing in yourself more and become your own best friend and protect yourself from men like this, in the future. Build up your self-love, value yourself and your good qualities, and make your life as rich and rewarding for yourself as you can. And please keep thinking of one word-"dignity". I wish you well..take care
Hugs,
Irish
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (16 September 2005):
 You are a young woman but you need to be very strong here. I'm sure you are aware of the fact that this man is using you. He doesn't care for how you feel because of the way he treats you.
You are keeping it a secret, why? Because people warned you about him? Okay, if they care about you instead of saying 'I told you so' they will comfort you and help you get over this man.
Confide in someone who is normally close to you. End it with this man, he doesn't deserve you. Certainly do not sleep with him anymore. Perhaps you wanted love and affection and that is one of the reasons why you went with him but please don't feel you have to remain with him. There are others out there who would treat you so much better.
Let the secret out. You haven't done anything wrong; you haven't made a massive mistake. You were simply attracted to the wrong guy despite what anyone said. Plenty of women have done the same and will still do it again and again.
Tell someone how you feel, how unhappy you are and get some support. Dump this man and eventually find someone who treats you with the love and respect you deserve.
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