A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How can I get my husband to be more intimate in bed? I know he loves me very much, we have been married for six months and we have sex every night. The sex is good and all but he is killing me, it's like wamb bamb thank you mam! I want eye contact! It is extremly hard for him to show emotion, he tries to act all macho but if I tell him I love him he cries. He is a big softee on the inside. How do I get it out? I love him so much, please someone give me advice on this matter. Thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Thanks for the advise. I got him to slow down in the bedroom by just acting very calm and soothing him. It was very good. Then we both cried. We finally make eye contact!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 May 2008):
 LonelyTwo, let's say it with all of its letters: go kinky and he'll follow you. In the immortal words of Mae West (a lady I never had the pleasure of meeting):
"When a girl goes wrong, men go right after her"
"Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you."
"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful"
"When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): He sounds a little like the sterotypical male of the pre 1960's in the USA.
Because I don't know him, and not enough information that provides insight, I will say you should pursue change with caution. If he were born with this personality/trait, it might be to late, or if his father knocked it into him (USA style pre 60's), he will have some tough baggage to clean up.
Having a female mentor on what might make a man may backfire. Having a compassionate and understanding partner as yourself, you might be able to get him to talk about his feelings that will reveal to himself that it isn't necesary.
Phsycology is not an easy subject, it takes cleverness and very strong understanding of human nature, and trying to offer suggestion in this will be very difficult being we don't know him personally, and any suggestions presented by you may make the situation worse, where he might feel patronized.
On the other hand (little brain spark I had), something I wish my wife would do, is to show by example, you being the teacher, take the domnate role with his knowledge, and then have him try it when he feels comfortable.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (16 May 2008):
I'm sure you're aware that this is the way our traditions expected sex to be. He is only following what he supposes is the "right" way to have sex. I'm a little amazed that he doesn't know any better by now, but, life is life.
His crying when you tell him that you love him has nothing at all do to with his lovemaking. You are making the assumption that he makes love this way because he doesn't allow his gentle personality to come out. That's wrong.
Some men think that your wife is someone you will "respect", so you will not make love to her in certain ways.
I suppose you want him to try new things. Do it yourself. Be a little more adventurous every time, and I'm sure he'll be pleased to follow you.
Buena suerte.
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