A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi there im in a relationship with a fella that i think is just using me when we first got 2gether everythin happened so quickly. got pregnant got engaged got pregnant again. he always puts me down when other people is present but just recently he has been doing it when alone. he only has sex when i mention we aint had it in a while. he never justs gives me a kiss or cuddle for the of it he is becoming more distant with me. when i confront him he tells me to stop moaning and leave him in peace. is he regretting being with me? or just gone off me? i cant ask him he tells me im stupid for asking i dont know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): I think you need to leave him... if he is going to put you down like that you should not be with him.. I think you need to talk to him and find out where he stands tell him you do not want to be in this if he does not feel the same about you anymore. You deserve a lot better than that. Any man who puts the woman that he "loves" down is not a real man and is a coward. There must be an underlying problem here. I believe that maybe he might have some issues of his own and feels that maybe by putting you down in some strange way it will make him feel better about himself. Dont let him take you for granted!
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (2 February 2008):
 he sounds like a total arse.leave before he sucks you into a spiral pit of ever decreasing self esteem. take the kids if you have them and leave!
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A
female
reader, onlinecounsellor_Dale  +, writes (2 February 2008):
 Thank you for your post. I agree with the other answers which state that you are being badly treated, and that you definitely deserve better. I am not, however, convinced that you should leave - not yet at least. You do, after all, share two kids with this man and while I don't think this means you should stay in an abusive situation (this wouldn't be in your or the kids' best interests), it does complicate things.First, ask yourself: are there any positives to this relationship? Consider, what do you stand to a) gain b) lose by leaving? Do you still love and/or have affection towards your partner or has this been completely eroded through his hurtful behaviour?Is he a good father (i.e. an active and concerned parent) to your children?Do you want this relationship to work?Depending on your answers to the above, you then arguably need to do one of two things:1) Leave the relationship, or2) Give your partner the opportunity to change (perhaps set a time line on this, say, 6 months for you to see an improvement and discernible effort/s on his part). Let him know that you do not feel valued, loved or respected in the relationship and that you need things to change ASAP. Tell him that you want to build a warm, loving home for your children where each family member cares for and respects each other. Explain to him that his insults hurt, and that you will no longer accept being belittled (i.e. put down) in front of others OR in private. Talk to him about your intimate life and tell him how you would like it to be more active and affectionate. Ask him to attend couples counselling with you. If he is non-responsive to this, refuses to change, and continues his emotional abuse of you, then you are probably best to leave.Good luck! I hope that you will be happier soon.Dale
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A
female
reader, kahlan +, writes (2 February 2008):
 ive been in a couple of relationships where he put me down and told me i was stupid and ugly and i was lucky to have him as what other man would want me!eventually you start believing it.you should get out now tho u mentioned pregnancies u didnt say if you had any kids.if u have there is help out there for you if you leave.if you do have kids and stay with thi guy who is so insecure he needs 2 put u down 2 make him feel special it will affect your kids.any boys will think its ok 2 talk 2 females like dirt and any daughters will grow up thinkig it normal to be spoken to like a bit of crap.get out while you can b4 he knocks your confidence even lower.all the best.i,ll be thinking of you.x.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (2 February 2008):
 I think he's manipulative, and controlling. I also believe it would be in your best interest to end this and start living for yourself. This is not a good relationship to be in, and I don't see with his behaviors it improving at all. I see so many people that really do settle for crap when getting into relationships, stop settling and start demanding. You're an important person, and should be treated special in every way. I sounds like he doesn't see you that way, so you need to say goodbye. It's not being mean, it's demanding to be treated as you deserve to be.
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