A
female
age
41-50,
*utls
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Two years ago we had a beautiful son together and then a year ago he moved out and we went on a break because we were arguing over money and him going out because I was having to pay everything for the baby because he was not working and he was also staying out with his friends late at night all the time. During that break we had agreed not to sleep with other people. The break lasted for a whole year and during that time things did get better between us but we did not get back together yet although he told me that one day we would. He also always told me he loved me. I then found out that he had been seeing this other girl and had a 5 month relationship with her and slept with her. I then found out about another girl that he had been seeing for the past 4 months and still was seeing and he had slept with her too. When I found out about it he admitted it to me and said that we had been on a break so long that he really thought we were not going to get back together and so he moved on. He said it wasn't cheating because we were not together but I felt as though it was because we agreed we were not going to sleep with other people and he had been telling me that one day we would work it out. I told him that it was over for good and he was so upset and said that he loved me and that those other girls did not matter and that he would move back in with me so I would always know what he was doing. Everyone in his family said that all he did was talk about how he loved me. He seemed very sincere about being sorry and wanting to get back together so I took him back and he moved back in with me. Our son is almost 2 now and has never been happier having his father back and my boyfriend has been trying so hard to make me happy. Then I got a phone call from the last girl he was with and she said that she was 7 weeks pregnant and was keeping the baby. I feel as though my world has fallen apart. He said that he will take care of the baby but doesn't want anything to do with her and she knows that me and him are back living together. The situation is so painful to me and the thought of him having a baby with another woman makes me physically sick. I don't know if I will be able to handle this girl being in our lives forever or if I can handle seeing him with another girl's baby. I am also very worried about what this is going to do to our son, having to know that his dad did this. On the other hand though, I do love my boyfriend very much and my son is so happy having him home again and I really want my son to have a happy family with both parents together. I feel as though I am stuck in an impossible situation and I do not know if I should stay with him or not.
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female
reader, jutls +, writes (3 December 2010):
jutls is verified as being by the original poster of the questionVanessa,
Yes we are still apart and it is also hell for me. I don't go one minute of the day without thinking about it. I don't know that the hurt and pain of it will ever go away. There are times where I miss him and just want to go back but then I think of what he did to me and I know that I never can because it will hurt even more. I try not to think about what he is doing now that we are apart, but I'm constantly wondering who he is with now and who he is talking to. He says that he isn't interested in talking to any girls and only wants me and will do whatever he can to make it up to me but I just can't believe him after all of the lies and I know that if I were to stay with him that it would be a life of constantly worrying about what he is doing and constantly seeing that child to remind me of what he did, and that is no way at all to live. I know that leaving is the best thing I could possibly do but that still does not make it any easier.
A
female
reader, vanessa1017j +, writes (2 December 2010):
How is it going? for me it is hell- I can hardly walk when I think of the pain inside me. Are you still apart? keep in touch k. -V
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female
reader, jutls +, writes (17 November 2010):
jutls is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I have decided to leave him. I can not get past the hurt and the betrayal and I know that this child will always remind me of what he did to me. It is going to be very hard on me and my son but I am trying to stand by my decision and do what is best for me in the long run
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female
reader, jutls +, writes (15 November 2010):
jutls is verified as being by the original poster of the questionVanessa,
Thank you so much for responding. It feels so good to hear that someone else is going through this too. I also fell to my knees when I found out and it was the worst pain I have ever felt. You can talk to me anytime that you want and maybe we can help each other through it. My boyfriend never cheated on me when we were together and he swears that now he is committed to me and will never even look at another girl. He said being in those relationships on our break made him realize that he wants to be with me. The thing is though he obviously wasn't thinking that when he had unprotected sex. He said that it was a huge mistake that he regrets and wishes he could take back but he can't. From what all his friends and family are saying, he is being sincere and is telling everyone else how much he loves me and what a huge mistake he made and that I am the only one he wants and that he wants to marry me. That is what makes it even harder because if he really is sincere then that is great because I love him and our son is so happy having him around all the time, but the fact is that this girl and her baby are going to be in my life forever and I know that everytime I see them it is going to hurt all over again and I don't know if I can feel this pain for my whole life. I am also worried about what my son is going to think knowing what his dad did to me and I don't know how to explain it to him without hurting him or having him hate his dad. I really don't want him to have to be around this other child but it is his brother/sister so even if we do break up I can't escape it because I don't want my son to be mad at me for not getting to spend time with a sibling. It is a completely horrible situation. I am actually going to go to a child/family psychologist in a week or two and talk to them about the best way to handle this for my son with the least amount of pain for him. I will let you know how it goes. Keep me updated on what is going on with you. I wish I had your strength to just walk away. Some days I say I will and then others he is being so nice to me and I see how happy my son is and I just can't do it.
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female
reader, vanessa1017j +, writes (15 November 2010):
thanks for telling your story- I am in complete awe right now because the exact same thing just happened to me besides a few small diffrences. We were together for 9 years, our son is 3 and we broke up for around 2 months. I know the nauseating pain your talking about- where it feels like someone is ripping your insides out. In my situation he told me a few weeks after we were back together that the girl was pregnant. I fell to my knees in pain and cried harder that I ever have. I was on the fence about being able to accept him having a baby with another girl when I found out that there were 2 other girls that he was sleeping with too, one of them a few months before we broke up. Now that is where I draw the line. I dont want to spend my life with someone who is so decietful and has no respect for all the years we spent together. I see it like this- There was a reason we were broke up anyway, i wish i would have never attempted to reconsile. I love my son and i want nothing more than to be a family- but he has damaged me and this family beyond repair. I cant handle the resentment that will eventually build up for what he did. I dont want to feel ashamed and embarrassed everytime you have to explain who that other child is to people. I wish u the best in your situation and thanks again for sharing, its comforting to know I am not alone. Take care.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): Thank you so much for sharing your story, I say that because reading it was like reading a script of the last month of my life. A few small diffrences- we were together 9 years and our son is 3 and I found out about the pregnancy then all the extra relationships. I completely understand your pain- it was devastating to me. How the Hell could they do this to us after the years we invested? How can he have unprotected irresponsible sex and make a baby- Idiot!! What am I gonna say to my son? This whole situation is just so unfair! When he told me that he got another girl pregnant I fell to my knees in pain- I thought it hurt more than anything i'd ever experienced. Then I found out from the girl that they had carried on some type of a relationship for a few months- now that is for sure the most pain I have ever ever experienced. I made my decision at that moment, I cant handle spending my life with someone who would decieve and betray me like this. When I really annalyze it, there was a reason we were taking a "break" in the first place and i should have just kept it that way forever. I love my son to death- he was 75 percent of the reason i was willing to try to work things out. I want to be a family but my ex guy has damaged me and this family structure beyond repair. If you stay in this you are gonna live your life with resentment toward him and it will just build and build. You will feel embarassed and ashamed every time you have to explain this story to someone when they ask who the other child is. I am going to start my healing process- its gonna be hell, but I think I will be okay. Please keep me posted if you want, it will be nice to have someone to talk to. -vanessa
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): What is the deal with people having kids and not being married... or allowing the daddy's to come and go as they please?
You started this non-traditional arrangement... now it's progressed. You better hope he's not out there chasing a younger model (not anchored by a kid) and about to knock her up.
If you've been arguing about money with one kid, just wait... his inability to provide for you just got cut in half.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): He got another woman pregnant. This woman will always be in your life. You cannot trust this guy. , you son will understand and respect you when he is older and knows the situation.
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