A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my current boyfriend for a year and a bit now. I think just over 16 months, in fact.Through the last school year, I stayed for my last year in high school, while he went to Ottawa.I have no doubt that he stayed faithful, or anything, but while he was there he spent away all of his money, which was all a student loan, and he will owe them back at the end of his school years. By the end of it, he barely had a dollar to his name, and this isn't including the fact that his mother had to bail him out of a few monetary problems.In a month, we plan on moving in together, to attend school. It will be my first year of school, and I'm relying on my mother, and my own jobs as a source of monetary income.My boyfriend, only a week - two at the most - started filling out forms for student loans. In fact, he just paid his tuition fees yesterday using his newly acquired assurance of student loans, but had he waited only 4 more days, we would now not be in school because of procrastination in filling out paper work.And now we're trying to fill out applications for apartments. I have to urge him to do everything. I'm worried that if we don't hurry then we won't get the apartment, but he doesn't seem to be worried in the least...I've confronted him with his terrible spending habits, but he just makes me feel guilty for bringing it up, and says I've judged him unfairly...And I don't feel like caring anymore. Should I just not bother urging him to fill out the application, and if we don't get it, because of his lack of ambition, give him up? Any advice would be wonderful...
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): How else is he going to learn.You need to stand strong, say that your not at fault, and that you BOTH need to fill out the application forms for an apartment. If he wants to live in squaller let him live in squaller. Only thing is you'll end up following him there...Stand strong, your doing nothing wrong. He may not have lack of ambition just lack of motivation and be subjected to procrastination and generally lazy.Make him do it WITH you.
A
female
reader, crystal clear xx  +, writes (11 July 2008):
Everybody has their flaws, but you need to decide is this issue because he doesn't understand the importance of it or is it just down and out laziness because he couldn't be bothered. You really need to speak to him and tell him how you feel about the way he deals with issues such a these. Some people find it really difficult dealing with money or even understanding the paperwork side of things. Maybe you should try setting him a budget and explain to him how you would like things to be done. If he continues ignoring and wasting his or even worse your money then what would be the point in being in a relationship with someone so selfish and thoughtless??
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (11 July 2008):
 He's a procrastinator and you're not. Or maybe it's just that he WILL be a procrastinator if he ever gets around to it. ;-) At any rate, the two of you approach life's obligations from two entirely different directions.
If you're going to make a relationship like this work, there are going to have to be some powerful adjustments made. His behavior is going to have to change, and your attitude is going to have to change. He is going to have to realize that he's playing Russian Roulette with the future that belongs to both of you (and that it needs to stop), and you're going to have to get over your set of raw nerves every time he does it, because this is a habit he's been cultivating for a lifetime and if it changes at all it is NOT going to be overnight.
Can you live with that? Can you accept the idea that you're probably going to have to play the "grown-up" in this relationship, AND be the one who gets him to realize how destructive his behavior is, AND probably let at least one aspect of his (and maybe your) life go down the toilet so that he wakes up and decides he really HAS to change? That's a tall order. A lot to take on, especially at a time when you are also taking on the added responsibility for a new stage in your own life.
Think it over carefully.
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