A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my best friend and i fell in love and started dating a few months later we realized we couldnt go ahead with it coz of very strong external influences (family..our families would not hav let us be together) so we decided to let it go and stay bestfriends, its been a yr and a half since that happened, it has been extremely difficult since then but we'v been each others support and stay to the friends level.but now hes trying to distance himself, he says we'r too dependant on each other we need to be independant coz eventually we'll get married to other ppl and it will complicate things with our significant other if we'r so dependant (cultural issue)its hurting tremendously when hes doing that. iv told him and spoken to him about it, but it seems tat wat hes saying maybe true.i dont know how to go about it ..... i love my bestfriend (friends love) and i want him the way he was before this whole complication :((i want my bestfriend back)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 Hi,
Having spoken to him already there is nothing more you can do. Give him the distance he wants, allow him dictate the pace of the friendship.
I know it is hard but if he doesnt want the close friendship then there is little you can do. Doing otherwise might end up worsening everything and losing the friendship altogether.
Perhaps if you give him the distance he wants he might just miss you enough and close in, but dont dwell on this.
Advise will be go out and make other friends. Enjoy life to the fullest. There are other nice people out there as well. Make several best friends.
GoodLuck...Kelly.
A
male
reader, Boxerman14  +, writes (12 May 2008):
Un fortunately it sound like he's no longer interested in returning to the point before you two dated. It almost sounds as if he just wanted to date and do the sex thing and now that (I'm just guessing you 2 have had sex) he's had you he got what he wanted. Take it from a man, though it is possible to have a girl as a best friend, we still have sex with you on our minds. I've been there. I do have to say now that I'm older (42) I do actually have a couple of female friends and I no longer think of them as a possible sex partner. It took me a lot of years to realize that woman can be friends without having sex. Remember it's called, friends with benefits. Good luck, you sound like a really good friend, and don't blame yourself if things don't work out, you tried and made your intentions clear. Once again, good luck!
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