A
female
age
30-35,
*MLBristol19
writes:I have been seeing an older man. He is very high up in the company and I am only an office girl. He is married with 3 children. He says it's over between them and when they sell there house he will be free. I'm 18 and he is 32. I have left my bf 4 him but we only sleep together in hotels and he hasn't told his wife. Why is he sneaking around if it's over with her. I have been sleeping with him since the first day we talk at the office party. He will not wear a condom but says he doesn't sleep with his wife or anyone else. He says Im wonderful and great in bed but is there a future. My friends think it is sleazy to sleep with him because he is old and I am so young. I have to work in the same office as him everyday but we never tell anyone only talk by text and he won't let me ring his number in the evening or w/ends.Am I wrong to be sleeping with such an old married man who is my boss?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2007): I can understand how you would develop feelings for your boss. I work very closely with my boss and I have been fighting back feelings for him for months. My boss is 30. I turn 18 in a few months, and was considering telling him my
feelings and maybe start dating him if he feels the same. He has a wife, girl friend and Baby Momma. His wife is in name only type thing. He's dated several other workers. I question weither my feelings are moral or not too.
As for your situation, I think because he is not telling his wife, and seems to be very secretive about your invovlment, and that there are children invovled, it doesn't look good. If he really wants a future with you he needs to tell his wife and leave her. If he can't do both of those things, the two of you need to have a serious talk invovling you putting your foot down and demanding more respect.
32 is not old to many people, but to an 18 year old it is a big difference because you are at totally different places in your lives. He is well into the settleing down stage and oyour are still growing as a person.
Hopfully we both can find a moral compass and find actions that we are comfortable with.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): 32 isn't an old man. Stop being a home wrecker. He is using you, find a guy your own age!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): You're being used and I think you already know that or you wouldn't be writing this message.
I'm sure you don't want to be a homewrecker; but that is what you are. Give it up. Find yourself a guy your own age who has your own experiences. I wonder how you would explain explain this relationship to a future guy - have you thought about that? I think they would probably judge you quite badly for it and that is a shame because I am sure you are a lovely girl.
We hear these messages all the time from people like you and they always end the same way. You should listen to your friends, it sounds like they can see things more clearly than you. All the best with whatever you choose to do, though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): He is not 'old' - 32 is far from old - so you cannot excuse him for thinking that his marriage has got old and boring. He is using you, pure and simple, as a bit of young flesh and I'm sure he's flattered - its free after all - and men generally don't like condoms so he's just being selfish. I can guarantee you he's sleeping with his wife to keep things happy in that department and thinks nothing of sharing his 'tools' with either party - she'd be just as shocked to learn he's sleeping with someone else. Leave your job - get a decent one where you're not working for snakes like that. Learn an important lesson in life while you can - don't get into relationships with people that cannot give you 100%. Realise there is something in your low self esteem at the moment that is prepared to take this rubbish - find a boyfriend who is free to love you, form a deep relationship, get engaged and married. This guy will NEVER leave his wife... they never do...and he has a huge commitment with her at his age with 3 kids to look after. Would you honestly want that baggage if he did leave? I speak from experience. I let a married man with 3 kids ruin my 20's because I couldn't seem to get rid of a poisonous relationship that was built on lies, sneaking about and his selfishness. It destroys your soul if you carry on and on. Please get out of it - change your phone, leave the job and get out there amongst gorgeous young men your own age.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): Hey Sweety,let me just say please end this... not only isn't it fare to you but to the wife.. See this happened to me a year ago.. my kids father, I have 2 kids we aren't married but have been living together in a commited relationship for 14 years. Im 35 he is now 31.. I found a 17 year old girls id in his car, he start comming home early in the mornings, lying and I was depressed. I kicked him out 1 week later he had a place and the first night my kids went to their dads she was there... there was so much lying. He told me this girl was the initiator, she was always lying. I talked to her, met with her, fought with her until he eventually came back home. I still am emotionally scared, depressed, I have a hard time trusting him.. But it was just a phaze, she was young, it was knew fresh and exciting and it could be all on his terms with her. If you are the other trust me it's more. He couldn't never confront her around me or would he take the call after I started talking to her.this is a mess and tell him he should take care issues at home first because how would you like that done to you... Ps i went from a size 10 to a 00 in 2 months my hair fell out and I was an emaotional messEricawrite me if you want to talk
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A
female
reader, edsbabygirl  +, writes (4 August 2007):
 girl sont be stupid. If he wont wear a condom, dump him. If he aint told his wife, it aint over. IF you fall for it, than he will use you every times he needs a booty call.
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