A
female
age
36-40,
*bernathysavannah
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years now and all was great until the past few months.Suddenly he seems very uninterested in me sexually.It makes me feel unattractive and not like a woman at all, I've tried everything from naughty outfits to just being completely naked to try and turn his head but nothing works at all. He tells me he loves me all the time tells me how pretty I am and would do anything for me, he's very cuddly. He doesn't ignore me it's just that there is no sexual passion anymore.The worst part is that every time I try to excite him he tells me hes not in the mood and then as soon as I go to bed he watches porno all night and takes care of himself.I know I'm sexy and I get a lot of attention from men but I only want his attention. What can I do? Talking to him only makes things worse.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): One thing that hasn't been brought up is the possibility he's developed a porn addiction. It happens to a small percentage of the population, but it's not so small when it happens to you. The only way to find out is to give it some time...if he is just going through a phase, it will straighten up all on it's own with time.If however, he does have an addiction, it will not go away without help, the sooner the better. You can read more about it at npsupport.net Try to keep your cool and not make the situation worse by getting upset, I am sure he does love you. Use your time by educating yourself on porn addiction so you will come at him from an educated point of view rather than an angry one. Hopefully this is not what is going on, but I just wanted to add it to the other's opinions...and if it is an addiction, all the other advice won't help one little bit :(
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (1 September 2009):
 Usually guys use porn when their wives / girlfriends don't want sex. I agree with the anonymous male reader who suggested watching it with him, but instead, try the phrase "You ready for the real thing?"Also, be sure that sex is something enjoyable and that he doesn't feel too pressured to perform all night long... There may be a hang up in regards that it takes you too long to "get off". Naturally, you must consider that after years of dating / marriage, the sexual passion can die down. Although, in my opinion this is rare for men. Perhaps there is something medically wrong with him, he's cheated (or is cheating), or your relationship simply has gone stale. I'd certainly investigate all your options at this point. There really isn't an easy answer unless the two of you can figure it out together. But it sounds like you are actively seeking a solution, which is good.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (1 September 2009):
 Why dont you try making your own porno movie. Watch something together then enact it. Maybe the guys in the films are making him feel insecure. If he sees himself it may boost his confidence.
Just an idea. Its up to you. You could always delete it straight after watching it!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): You have also fallen victim to the great power that is porn.
Instead of being negative towards something that interests him and excites him, try joining in. Me & my fiancee watch it together and she likes it too. I enjoy her getting involved.
if he seems to have gone off you and naughty outfits etc aren't working then maybe it's not the fact that he's gone off you. I'll let you into a secret, sometimes men can go through a "porn phase" where this newly discovered filth will turn them on for hours at a time and they want to experience the excitement over and over again. It will wear off but don't expect him to quit masturbating alltogether, all men masturbate, fact. Try buying him a naughty video and watch it with each other naked, you'll both soon get really into it and you'll find that watching porn isn't a personal thing at all, so don't feel that he's gone off you, he's just got a new toy for a while !
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