A
female
age
30-35,
*ezbies
writes:my boyfriend and i are both each other's first serious relationship. along with that, we are both exploring each other's sexuality with each other. while i find it to be fun and exciting, he has such an issue with the fact that a woman can orgasm more than a man. when i say that, i mean women can have multiple orgasms. he says that he feels inferior to me and that he's jealous of the way my body can react while orgasming. we are long distance too, so naturally i don't mind when he masturbates, i know that it's normal and i almost expect him too. sometimes to make it more fun, i'll help him over the phone and he is very open with me about when he masturbates or how good it felt. when it comes to me though, it's a whole other story. the fact that i masturbate makes him SO uncomfortable. when he tries to explain to me why, he says that he doesn't like the fact that i can feel an orgasm without his help. he says it makes him feel useless. i have tried to get through to him that masturbation and sex are two COMPLETELY different things with different feelings attached to them, but he doesn't understand. i feel guilty for wanting to explore my body and see what i like, when i know what i'm doing is perfectly normal. i really like this guy, but i don't know if i can be with someone who continuously wants to "own" my orgasms and freaks out about my own sexuality. i was specifically seeking a male perspective on this issue. i don't want my boyfriend to feel inferior to me, especially over something like orgasming. why can't he see that women and men just orgasm differently? why can't he enjoy his and respect that i can enjoy mine? i really need some perspective on this issue.
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jealous, long distance, orgasm Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): You're each others' firsts. Alot of sexual insecurity in these early stages arise out of sheer ignorance. There is indeed huge benefits in clarifying misunderstandings through research made fun. Suggest it gently to him.
I do have fond memories of when my husband & I started out the same. We turned to self-help literature to aid our sexual exploration & educate ourselves on EVERY aspect of it to ensure we were on the same page so to speak (pun intended)
It became alot of fun. We'd choose a book, hold it in such a way that the pages fell open naturally & would proceed along the guidelines of whatever topic or technique was described therein. Juggling a book & practising a suggested technique was more fun & easier to do than eye-balling info off of the net while attempting the practical side of it.
A
female
reader, Ravenxx91  +, writes (15 December 2008):
 Hmmm this guy seems quite controlling and from reading what you have said he has quite a low self esteem.
No one should have their orgasm's 'owned' or the time and amount they can and cannot play with themselves dictated to them. You need to give him a warning. Usually this will work. something like "Try to open your mind and understand women are different to men and I want to do my own thing sor we're over"
If he wants to be with you he'll change or try to understand.
If not then he wont and hes not worth it.
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