A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some support.Although I have a pretty good support system of friends...I just need to hear it from other people, I guess.I was with a guy for over 2 years, on and off. We were friends for almost 10 years before that. Didn't have much touch through out the years. But he really cared about me when we were first friends, he really loved me. When we started hanging out over 2 years ago, I didn't have an attraction to him. But he was there, and he was such a good friend, that I fell in love with him, despite alllll the things that bugged me about him.We had a really crappy relationship because he was working downstate and could only come home for 2 days a week. He was miserable. He IS miserable.So, it's been on and off.But we've supposedly always loved each other throughout the break ups, you know? This last time, 2 months ago, we decided we were done messing around, that we were going to make it work because we loved each other. Things were great for the first month, but this last month it all started going downhill. He couldn't get off during sex even. That was a first.We broke up last week, he said that he feels like the biggest jerk on the planet, but he has to end it for good because he can't see a future with me and my son. My son is 3 1/2. He said we are both amazing people, that he is going to miss having us in his life, but he can't give me what I want and need, and he wants me to be happy. He actually started crying. He said the thought of hurting me makes him sick, but he's tried changing to be able to enjoy my lifestyle, but that he is too selfish to have a kid involved. He wishes it could just be me and him. He said he loves me and that we could continue in this miserable relationship but it would never, ever get anywhere, we'd just keep getting hurt. He wants spur of the moment, and doesn't want the predictability. He even said the thought of us moving in with him and having toys and messes makes him "shudder." But just days before this break down, he was talking about renting a 3 bedroom apartment next so that my son could have his own room (plus a computer/exercise room). His lip service was incredibly believable, but it hurts to accept that that's all it was. He also said he was sick of working around my Narcolepsy and that I don't work. Truth is- he sleeps a lot more than I do! If he truly loved me, it wouldn't matter if I was a paraplegic with 52 kids, right? All this time, for 10 years, I've believed he would always love me. He still says that, but the truth is, he wouldn't leave me if he did, right?Now I've noticed he's talking to his ex-girlfriend that was before me. This break up happened and then the very next day he was talking to her on MySpace. They had a lot of issues in their relationship, so I don't know why he's going there again. I'm so worried that he's going to live happily ever after with his ex, after realizing he definitely doesn't want a life with me. That's what hurts.I understand the reason why he left me. And I accept that fully. My son comes with me, that's all there is to it. And after 2 years, I guess he knows what he wants when it comes to us!Just give me some encouraging advice and opinions and comments if you would. I just hate being alone knowing he's living it up with his ex-girlfriend. I wish he'd come back saying he misses me and my son. We are both lovable...and if I ever thought someone loved me, it was him. I was positive.But he ended it.
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male
reader, ak202 +, writes (5 March 2012):
If he wants you in his life he has to accept your son in his life as well.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Some days are better than others. I believe he's only making excuses. It's also okay to be a single parent, without a partner. I do so, by choice. If you do find someone, make sure you look carefully for signs if they would be or would not be the best to have around your child. As he grows he'll learn from you what's okay, by what you are or are not willing to accept. It really is amazing how much children learn, just by watching and learning from the environment we develop around them.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to both of you. My Narcolepsy is also pretty much under control with naps and medication...I think he used that as an excuse, especially when he sleeps more than me! It's just that some days are harder than others, you know? Me and my son have a good life, we'll be a-OK.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 July 2008):
You said you hurt because he may be happy with someone else. I say I'd rather you and your son be happy no matter who you might be with. I know breakups are difficult. When someone changes their mind, and it's not the direction you want.
He is fairly self centered. He doesn't want change in his life, even though being a partner with someone else creates some change no matter how you look at it. Having narcolepsy can be difficult as well. With my having narcolepsy, I take my naps, but I'm still able to care for my kids and with medication live an almost normal life. Having a disability I just come to expect working a bit harder than the average to complete what needs to get done.
This doesn't mean you shouldn't be happy. You have a child to care for who loves you unconditionally, asleep and awake. You need to focus on him and not worry about the choice this guy made. Your son needs you now. Someday someone will come along who will love you for being who you are, and won't judge you because of the difficulties you may face. I believe true love can overcome any obstical that it faces. What you had was not true, because he wasn't willing to accept the challenges with the good. Life doesn't work that way. I don't know why he thought a relationship would.
I wish you and your son a great level of happiness. Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): OMG! I don't know what to say. It won't be easy to move on after this, that's for sure, but you will, it won't be easy, but hey, you have your son, right? Be with him, then when your ready, go out and start meeting new people again, it'll probably be nerve-racking (sp?) at first, but you'll be fine, there will be someone out their who wants to be with you for the rest of your life, and will accept your son as well, just think, this guy doesn't know what he's missing. Don't worry.
Good Luck, hope this helped.
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