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He says he can no longer be faithful because of my weight

Tagged as: Breaking up, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 February 2010) 11 Answers - (Newest, 16 March 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Is there a way to get a man to accept that you're big? He says that he really loves what we have together it's the best sex he has ever had but he feels like he can no longer be faithful because of my weight is there anyway to change that I have started going to a gym

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A male reader, NJACKSN91 United States +, writes (16 March 2010):

If he is saying rude things like that about not being faithful because of your weight. You should use that as your motivation to go to the gym and start dieting and lose weight and get a hot bod that everyone wants..then drop him (BREAK UP!)because if he doesnt want you when your out of shape he doesnt deserve you when your in shape. Nothing would hurt his feelings more than to see you hot and with another guy. I know you may not want to hurt his feelings but you should want to. He doesnt deserve you if he is going to say things like that.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (1 March 2010):

Miamine agony aunt"no man in the history of the world has ever fallen in unrequited love with a woman who did NOT have a fantastic body"

Wow!!! Somebody has issues..

Anyway, in my culture, big girls do get dates and are seen as sexy. Not all cultures in the world like skinny girls, sometimes they are seen as neurotic and sickly instead of healthy and confident. The world is a big place, and there's space for all types of girls and women.

But big and sexy, don't mean lazy and unhealthy, very big difference there. A woman may like her food, and indulge a lot. But that dosen't mean she can't move and shake her body none. Different strokes, for different folks. Exercise and healthy eating works well for everyone.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010):

...we men are so fickle. If a woman has a great body but only has a few other attributes going for her (e.g. is a fairly superficial person with only a passing interest in current affairs), he will in his own mind over-inflate these attributes in order to make her sound like a real catch with many fantastic qualities going for her. Meanwhile, if a woman is a right porker but is great with children, does much for charity, works hard, has a zest for life and loads of hobbies, you can be sure that he will down play these qualities and focus on her negative body image. So, if a woman has a great body he will magnify this quality. If she has a big fat wobbly body he will magnify this supposed negative aspect. There will be women out there saying they should be accepted 'for who they are'. Ultimately the path to fulfillment comes from exercising both the mind and the body. I bet that if this man ever did stray it would be with a woman who is potentially even bigger than you. A change is as good as a rest. Women with great bodies have more men drooling over them and therefore can be more picky. This means she can attain a man who has the best resources for her children. I doubt very much whether your man would end up with such a woman. A) He probably does not have the social skills or the patience, or the time to invest in attracting a woman with a super fine body B) He probably does not have the resources to make him appear to her as being a catch. Men are visual. You cannot change this - don't even try. Imagine if he lost his job tomorrow - that would put strain on your relationship since love and sex don't pay the bills. Women want resources, men want sex. Read Why men want sex and women need love by Allan and Barbara Pease. Be willing to watch hardcore porn with your man and pander to his every sick fantasy. That's another way to keep your man (or lose him if he disrespects you for it!). Hell, if you lose some weight you might be able to dump him and find a man with more resources! That's how life works! Good luck! And remember this: no man in the history of the world has ever fallen in unrequited love with a woman who did NOT have a fantastic body...........

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010):

Thanks Laura for the laugh.I burst out laughing when I read ,"If you can brainwash him that big is beautiful..".You have such a good sense of humor.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (1 March 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntIf you can brainwash him that big is beautiful.

Otherwise , you will have to watch what you tuck inside your mouth or reduce those portions .

Eat more fruits and vege's because they are more filling and low in calories.

Going to the gym to exercise and increase your metabolic rate will help you to be fitter and slimmer. Weight lifting is good for reducing your weights.It can even burn off your fats while you are sleeping.

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A male reader, Code Warrior United States +, writes (1 March 2010):

Code Warrior agony auntThe only person anyone can really change is themselves, but only if they really want to.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (1 March 2010):

Miamine agony auntPS: If your a big girl and proud of the way you look, well sorry, you still got to get healthy and throw away that junk food. But don't try to get slim, big is bloody beautiful as long as it's healthy, fit and confident. In that case, your with the wrong guy, he dosen't appreciate your body style, no problem, tons of guys out there who love a sexy handful of woman and won't have any problems with the way you look at all.

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A female reader, Hard_decision Australia +, writes (1 March 2010):

I dont understand, he says the sex is the best ever and he really loves what you guys have... but he cant be faithful because you put on some weight? To me he sounds like such a pig. Obviously everything is about looks to him because if he loved you and truly loved what you guys shared together he would never have said that to you. He would stand by you and help you get healthy again, encourage you and praise you so you feel good about yourself. Sorry but if a man doesnt love me enough to stay faithful when I put on a little weight, then he can hit the road!

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (1 March 2010):

Miamine agony auntI wish I could lie and say attractiveness is not important, and people will love you no matter how you change. But it's not always true. Some people are attracted by certain things, and when their partners change, they find their sex drive disappears and their attention starts to switch to other women who suit their idea of beauty more. If you've put on a lot of weight, he may also be judging your lifestyle and your personality. You may appear lacking in self-determination and goals, you may appear lazy and uncaring..

Sorry, there's no way to say it in a more polite way. I don't think he's gonna run away and have an affair straight away, but he's warning you that he may find himself attracted to someone else because you are no longer the woman you were.

No problems, you've joined the gym, just try to live more heathily. Make sure you excersise at least 30mins a day. Cut down your calorie intake, salads, fruit and vegetables with every meal, less of the chips, crisps, cakes and sweets. This shouldn't be a diet, this should be a wake up call, a warning that you are not looking after yourself properly, your not looking after your health, and your not caring about your appearance enough, the way you used to before you met him.

We can all get lazy in relationships, but we need to keep good health and good weight so we always feel confident, beautiful and have a ton of energy.

Like me, I don't think he meant to hurt, he's just telling you to make fitness and your own personal beauty an important goal. Sorry, don't mean to hurt, I also have to remember to loose weight, excersise and stay healthy if I want to continue feeling beautiful and loving myself. :)

Here read this link.. several suggestions to live healthy without stressing out about such things.. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/help-my-weight-problem-is-making-me-feel.html

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010):

...face facts, love. The irony is that if he dumps you you'll probably eat a load of chocolate and then put on yet more weight. After that you'll go on a crash diet and suddenly have men throwing themselves at you (men love slim - [but not skinny] - curvaceous women. Your new look will send your ex into a state of envy. Men are very visual and are ego orientated. Try to remember that, dear. Men would like to have a real sex-goddess on their arm. In return they will give you the world...

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (28 February 2010):

Well to be honest, if that's his attitude, you can do better. He could support you in your weight loss, but to say that he can no longer be faithful would suggest that he actually sees you as no more than an object. Clearly continue to lose the weight for the sake of your own health and happiness, but think carefully about whether you want to be an object to a guy, rather than a human.

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