A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:What do I do if a guy who rejected me, is now asking me out? First he said he just liked me as a friend and couldn't see me in a romantic way. He said that last year if I had asked him earlier, he thought things might've been different. He started pursuing other women who weren't in our school until this year. We tried to be friends, but went our separate ways after I couldn't get over my feelings for him. A few weeks passed and now he's asking me out! What do I do? He shattered my heart and now he's trying to go ou with me. I thought he didn't like me, now he's acting like otherwise. I still like him but I don't know if I can trust him. Should I go out with him or should I reject him like he did me? Advice from a man and woman's perspective would be greatly appreciated! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice! I mean, yeah he is still pretty immature. Despite the fact that he's 16 while I'm 15, I still feel as though my maturity is higher than his. I know that boys' maturity is slower to come than girls' maturity are, but I would think he wouldn't still be playing such childish games. He does say that he's sorry for treating me like he did, but I'm not sure whether or not to trust him. For now, I'll try to take it slow and see if I can trust him.
Thanks so much!
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 February 2012):
 People can always change their mind.
And he is still of an age where his emotions and likes and dislikes are volatile. And change quickly.
He is still young and at school. He is testing the waters with girls. Sampling what is on offer. And who is hard to get and who is easy to ....(you get that, I am sure). He will be on the look out for a girl who is more willing to allow him a few liberties (do NOT be that girl)
Besides friendship, which is lovely, he cannot offer you much more than some flirting and some trying to push the boundaries a little. And some experimentation on how far he can push the boundaries.
Perhaps he saw you as such a nice girl that he thought he could not push your boundaries.
And he wanted a girl who was less of a challenge (keep on being a challenge - when the boys reach 18 they prefer the girls who remained a big challenge - and by 18 the boys are by then SO over the girls who have no boundaries)
Some guys and girls even make out they do not like someone (when they do) as they are afraid to reveal their true feelings to avoid rejection.
But for now I will take him on face value. He gave you the impression that he did not like you and rejected you and that would have hurt you very badly. But despite that you did survive.
And he did that because he thought, at the time, that he could do better. Sad for you, but that is most likely his reason.
So he went after the new girls and may not have done as well as he expected. Now a bit of sadness for him.
Meanwhile, IF you shared with anyone how sad you felt when he rejected you ----- then maybe (very likely) it has come to his attention that, yes, you did like him. Or he may have even worked it out for himself by your reaction.
So now, what is his thinking? Yes he may well like you and all may be transparent and above board. And he may well have realized his mistake.
B U T.... care. He may also see you as someone who he can treat as a 'sure thing' ... IF he thinks you still hold a torch for him, and that is not good
If he really liked you then he surely would not have trashed your feelings by not caring about how you felt. If he liked you a bit he could have softened the blow a little so it did not hurt so much, instead of just going straight into pursuing other girls.
And despite all you still like him. But now you are getting smarter and realizing that perhaps you cannot trust him fully.
IF he is really really serious that he really respectfully likes you then he will be prepared to do the pursuing.
Do not make it too easy for him at all.
Do not allow him to cajole you with sweet words and gentle pressure.
If he really is smitten by you and realizes his error then I would want to see him share that with you. With some empathy on his part for how much he hurt you
And you should expect him to remain a gentleman with you. If he cannot remain a gentleman in your company and if he cannot demonstrate respect to you then he is not yet up to your standard.
Keep your standards high. You will be thankful later, after you turn 18 when you have the pick of the boys later, when you are really ready for a charming guy who has learned to respect women. And when both of you are at an age where you both really know where your lives are headed.
Right now your fun with boys should be light and happy and never too heavy, nor a burden to deal with. there are many more years to enjoy the company of boys until you meet "The One"
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