A
female
age
30-35,
*ecca07
writes:hey,This is a relationship question that i would really like help with because im always thinking about it and its worrying me. my boyfriend who ive been with nearly 2 years perposed to me unexpectedly on holiday last month. ive been hinting that i really wanted to get engaged but he wasnt so keen. he said some lovly things to me and it was one of them happy, tear moments. i was so excited and pleased. few days past, we didnt even mention that night he prpposed. this was making me worried. so after a week went past i told him that i sort of told someone that we were engaged. he said, 'i didnt think we was' and 'i only did it to make you happy' this broke me one hell of alot. the whole proposal was a lie. the other thing was that he couldnt remember getting down on one knee or anything. should i beleive him? i really want to get engaged to him. i cant get it out my head. what should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): Sweety, you are 16-17 years old. And I have to assume your bf isn't much older than you. Am I right? He is very plainly not ready for the serious commitment of an 'marriage engagement'. And guess what, hun...he is right--it is too early for you both to get engaged! Your first indicator that he wasn't ready for this was when you hinted and he wasn't keen on it. He did this because he felt pressured and likely didn't want to disappoint you. He should've taken the chance and been honest with you in the first place. Don't make this the 'end all and think horridly of him'. He really didn't know what to do. Probably lack of maturity and not understanding how important honesty and truthfulness is in a love relationship. But that doesn't mean that the relationship should end! You both need to talk to each other and he needs to tell you how he feels about such a life altering committment, and perhaps assure you that things will stay the same between you and that he will propose properly, with ring in hand at the right time. The best time to get engaged? When the two of you are much older and more settled into your adult lives. Get educated first, have a career...do a lot of wonderful things together before making that monumental committment. Ask yourself, why you need to be engaged at such a young age? What are "your" own life/career goals and where do you want to be in the future? Empower your own life! Don't depend on him to 'give you that life'. That's not his job. This could be the way he viewing your behaviors. Independence, strength and a career with life goals builds a woman up-it makes her strong and wonderfully self-sufficient. And then when you both are older, your bf will say...'this is the woman I want, one I can respect, revere and sincerely appreciate what she has done to be a independent woman with 'her' own life'. Don't make this incident the worst possible thing that could happen. He loves you, but he simply not ready. Accept that, stay with him and build this relationship continually with support and devotion. Who knows, once you develop and mature, you may find out...he's not the guy for you, after all. We don't know what life will throw at us, do we? At the age you are now, adolescents have an accelerated rate of change and worldviews. In two years, you may be saying to yourself. perhaps I wasn't ready for an engagement, after all. Give this time and take it day by day. Just enjoy the great moments with him and don't take this as an insult to you. He's not ready...plain and simple. I wish you both the best of luck and continued happiness. Take care.
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