A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a man for one year and we live an hour apart by car. It's a given that we will spend the weekend together (I usually drive to his house as he has an 11 yr old son) but I get frustrated that he doesn't make advance plans to actually do anything. I would like him to think about and plan the weekend so I have something like a real date to look forward to and not just winging it at his house. Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (1 July 2008):
This sounds like a classic communication problem between men and women. Many men are just fine hanging around the house, making love, spending time with "family", etc. We are inclined to avoid going "out", unless it's clear that the woman WANTS to go out. If so, please let him know - clearly, gently, and with real suggestions such as "I'd like to go to the zoo(or museum, festival, etc.) next weekend. Not "Let's go to the zoo, etc.". That sounds more like a general suggestion rather than a specific desire. Guys often work themselves really hard during the week since they are alone and just want to veg out, but will do a lot to keep their women happy IF they understand that it's important to her.
If he is really busy during the week, offer to make plans for the weekend. Planning a date is more work than most women recognize. Good luck.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Well, an 11 year old son usually does preempt a lot of spontaneous things and planned ones as well, so it looks like you and he need to do a bit of merging with your planning calendars. If you can have access to his planner, and he yours, that gives you a bigger picture of when he will have free time and when his son has commitments too, or whether or not his son is with him that weekend. If you do find an open Friday night that you can pick up tickets for, then you can book them and let him know by e-mail. The fact that he isn't making plans doesn't mean that YOU can't make plans. Having a busy schedule with an adolescent boy in the house just makes things a bit more challenging than dating a single guy. BTW, make sure that you include him in the plans that you are making, there's a very real possibility that he could be exhausted by the weekend if he is a single Dad. Good Luck!
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